My BFF Let Her Boyfriend Ruin Our Friendship & I’m Not Sorry She’s Gone

Usually when you hear about someone losing a friend over a guy it’s because they both like the same person. That’s not the case here. My now-finished friendship went downhill because a friend was in a toxic, unhealthy relationship and she let things go too far, resulting in the friendship being ruined forever.

  1. I tried to help her out but she insisted on being miserable. I heard every single complaint about this guy from her. She told me how much she didn’t like him, how poorly he treated her, and even how she wasn’t physically attracted to him. Yet when I tried to give her advice or tell her that it might be time to end things, she didn’t want to hear it and I became the bad guy. All of a sudden, it was none of my business.
  2. I thought I was being a good friend. I was looking out for her best interest. She was with a guy who wasn’t good for her and clearly making her unhappy. I had her back when he would verbally attack her or make her feel bad for no reason. As her friend, her happiness mattered to me and trying to express that was important to me. That’s what friends are for, right? I would want someone to do the same for me.
  3. I was just trying to be honest. She may have not wanted to hear it, but her boyfriend sucked and she was starting to suck too. He was turning her into someone she wasn’t, someone I had never met before. We went from being best friends to almost strangers. I tried my best to be open and honest with her about it, but she couldn’t or just wouldn’t see things clearly.
  4. I got pushed away. I was the bad guy. Her boyfriend knew I didn’t like him. I tried, but there was no way to hide the fact that I couldn’t stand him. It was no secret, so he started being rude to me, telling her that she couldn’t hang out with me anymore, probably because he thought I was a threat. The worst part is that she listened to him and shut me out, or she’d lie to him when we would still hang out.
  5. She changed… in a bad way. She went from being a spunky, sassy, spontaneous, country girl wild child to a reclusive homebody — and it sucked. I get that people change, especially when they enter a serious relationship, but this just wasn’t her. She’d only do what he wanted to do, and only with his friends. It was like she didn’t know how to have fun anymore and her boyfriend liked it that way. We were in our early 20s, still in college, and it just didn’t make sense to me.
  6. He didn’t know the real her. It was as if he never knew her for who she really was — he only saw the girl he wanted her to be and he was successful in turning her into that fantasy girl. She became a lesser version of the girl all her friends knew and loved and it was really sad to see.
  7. He was beyond controlling. Asking to read her texts, making her send a picture to him to prove she was where she said she’d be, and checking her bank statements was NOT okay. If she didn’t have trust in her relationship, she should have ended it. The way he was treating her was not only unhealthy but at times scary. She made up so many excuses for the guy and she just kept letting it happen.
  8. He brought her down. I remember one specific time where she was wearing a super cute outfit to go out with all of us one night — it was nothing too extreme but she looked great. Whatever he said to her, however, made her upset and self-conscious. He also made her change clothes into something way more conservative. This was all done in public around her friends — I can’t image how things were when the two of them were alone.
  9. I wasn’t alone in feeling this way. I wasn’t the only person watching her turn into the sad, stunted version of herself, but I was one of the only few who tried to help her and be honest with her. That’s just my personality, though. I’m protective of the people I care about, I speak my mind, and I’m not afraid to tell people the truth.
  10. Finally, I realized our friendship was over. When she ditched me before I was moving across the country for no good reason except to go to lunch with her boyfriend, I knew things were over between us. It was sad, and my going away party was ruined with my preoccupation with why she wasn’t there and how hurt I was by it rather than enjoying my last day in town.
  11. They ended up breaking up anyway. Shortly after my move, she contacted me and let me know that she’d broken up with her boyfriend. I knew this was coming eventually and I wanted to say, “I told you so!” She also apologized for how she’d treated me throughout the relationship. I forgave her, of course, but things have never been the same since. Unlike her, I don’t regret my actions one bit.
Writer, athlete, explorer, animal lover.