I think we’d all agree that losing a friend sucks, but when it’s your BFF, it can be downright devastating. That was certainly the case for me. The dissolution of our friendship didn’t happen over some huge blow-up; they were little things that, over time, chipped away at our bond so much that it finally crumbled. Here’s what happened & why it sucks so badly:
- We Grew Up and Apart. I met my best friend in freshman year of high school. We bonded over our love of anime, video games, staying up late and trying our hardest to make each other laugh. We were close well into college and at the beginning of our twenties. Eventually, a lot of the common bonds we shared changed as we got older and discovered what else the world had to offer. I wasn’t into anime as much; she worked two jobs, so late nights were a no-go. Our individual senses of humor even changed. We were finding ourselves and had ditched the old ‘us’ that we knew and loved.
- Our Schedules Were Insane and We Didn’t Make Time For Each Other. What I loved about our friendship is that we were always cheering each other on in our academic and career endeavors. We went to the same college for a bit (though we had different majors and classes, so we didn’t run into each other much) and put our entire selves into it. Between the high expectations we set for ourselves and our clashing schedules, our almost daily texts to each other turned into weekly, then monthly, then barely at all. We still grabbed a bite to eat or went shopping every blue moon, but it wasn’t the same.
- I Didn’t Like The Company She Kept. Our mutual friends in high school shared at least some interests with us. When we went to college, we met a lot of people who were vastly different from those we’d known before. To be completely honest, some of her newfound friends were awful to be around. It was hard for me to get that BFF time in around them. And since she had always preferred large gatherings to smaller, intimate meetings, I found myself turning down her invitations on a regular basis.
- Our Talks Were One-Sided. I’m not much of a talker with the average person, but I always confided in my BFF. It was the same for her — whenever she needed me, any time of the day or night, I was there. At some point, though, our talks were strictly one-sided. She’d call and I’d listen, give advice or give a pep-talk to boost her mood. I’d call in need of the same, and she was always busy. After a few months, I realized that it wasn’t her schedule; she just didn’t want to be there for me, so I stopped being there for her.
- She Gossiped Way Too Much. My former friend had always been a fan of spilling tea here and there, but the gossip she started sharing had lost its silly appeal and had become vicious. She shared intimate secrets of people I had never met before, and it made me so uncomfortable. When people we were friends with for years became the topic of conversation, I knew it was time to make myself scarce. I couldn’t help but think if she was gossiping about other ‘friends’, I’m sure she was doing the same about me.
- She Got Defensive When I Told Her She Deserved Better. You can’t help who you love, but from my standpoint, my bestie had a penchant for loving the wrong guys. She’d dated a few guys who all had less-than-stellar traits and would often call me to vent about what they weren’t doing right. I’ve never been the kind to tell my friends what to do in their love lives, but it was evident that she wasn’t happy. When I told her how I felt (there were better guys out there and not to waste her time), she’d get defensive and tell me how everyone has flaws and second chances exist for a reason. I quit giving my two cents on her love life, even though she had sought my opinion and I was only trying to help. Eventually, we stopped talking about our dating lives at all.
- She Acted Like My Boyfriend Didn’t Exist. One of the people I met during my college years was this awesome guy who shared a lot of common interests with me. We were friends for a year and a half before we decided to date each other exclusively. Naturally, I was excited to share this with my friend. When I told her, she was just… blank. She never inquired about meeting him and didn’t even ask me what his name was. To this day, if I mention my now husband to her, she won’t respond. I still don’t know what her deal is, but it’s hard to have a friendship when your friend ignores your S.O.’s existence.
- She Borrowed Money and Wouldn’t Pay it Back. I’d let my BFF of ten plus years borrow clothes, books, games, and so much more. I never worried about it coming back worn, torn or broken. She kept up with everything and always returned it to me in excellent condition — even if it was years later. At our most distant, she started asking me to borrow pocket change. I knew she worked and thought she’d give it back, so I gave it time and again. When she’d call me after borrowing and didn’t bother mentioning when she’d pay me back, I knew we had reached a point of no return in our friendship.
- She Became Passive-Aggressive About Everything. On the rare occasion that we met up for drinks or dinner, it seemed like any question I asked her got a snide response. An honest inquiry about how her love life was going would get a response like, “Oh, you know, the usual. I guess we all can’t be lucky in love and I do have a habit of picking crappy guys.” I could have forgiven the words if her tone didn’t drip with sarcasm. It became a huge part of personality, and I can’t stand passive-aggressiveness from anyone. I couldn’t make an exception for a distant friend.