While I’ve always valued my best friend’s advice, especially when it comes to relationships, I couldn’t cope when she insisted that my ex-boyfriend was all wrong for me. Instead of realizing that maybe she was right about him, I nearly ruined our friendship for a dude who really was a jerk.
She tried to warn me early on but I didn’t listen.
When I met a seemingly great guy, I wasn’t in the best place to date so I wasn’t really a great judge of character. Knowing how I tend to dive in head-first, my BFF tried to get me to take things slow. I brushed off her subtle warnings and did what I wanted anyway. I knew myself well, or so I thought, so I continuously told her I would be fine despite her reservations.
She called me out but I defended my actions.
When she started noticing the difference in my behavior once I got with my ex, she kindly but firmly pointed out how I’d changed. I tried to reassure her that I knew the situation may not pan out or be ideal but that I was aware and I was being careful. I knew I wasn’t, but I wanted her to believe I was secure in my decision to keep going with the relationship.
She always made herself available but I blew her off.
She’d call me to chit-chat or invite me out to do things we loved doing together and I always had a reason I couldn’t meet up with her. Part of me was embarrassed but I’d just gotten so wrapped up in my relationship that I didn’t want to deal with her reality checks.
She tried to offer advice and experience and I made her feel stupid.
I know firsthand that giving advice to friends in a bad relationship can be a tough thing to do, but instead of being open and receptive, I turned it around and made her feel ashamed of any experience she chose to share. I didn’t want to admit that she was right and I cared more about that than her feelings.
She tried to include him and I kept them apart.
In an attempt to show me she was supportive in other ways, she would invite the both of us to do things in a group setting. My boyfriend had no reservations despite the fact we weren’t in the best place, but I just didn’t want to mix the two situations together. This was so selfish of me, but I think part of me knew she was right and I didn’t want it to be awkward. I mostly wanted to ignore the fact that I was feeling bad about everything so I actively tried to keep everything separate for my own benefit.
She continued to check in and I took it as her not trusting me.
I know now that she was just trying to let me know she was still my friend despite how awful I’d been acting, but I got super defensive and took everything the wrong way. I figured that if I did break up with my boyfriend, she could have her “I told you so” moment then, not realizing that she was just trying to be what I didn’t know I needed. I actually asked her if she had any faith in me at all and where she probably should have gotten angry, even then she just said she wanted me to know she was there.
Finally, she stopped calling and made plans without me.
Even if I was constantly skipping out on seeing her, I was a little hurt when I’d found out she’d gone somewhere without me or made plans with other girls in our group and not mentioned it to me. I thought she’d at least still try! I totally took her for granted and when she stopped taking my crap, I was the one who got upset with her.
She finally gave me the toughest love she could and walked away.
As my relationship continued, my friendship with my BFF was clearly strained and like any sane person, she finally stopped trying. I can’t say I wasn’t hurt, but truthfully, I completely understood why she put the ball in my court. I was too afraid to ask her if we could ever be friends again and I realize now that should have been the answer to my problem all along. I didn’t want my friendship with her to end but I also didn’t want to do what I needed to do and break up with the guy.
Luckily, she was still there when I needed her most.
I know not everyone ends up getting their friend back after a situation like this but I did and it’s something I’ll never throw away again. I think she knew me well enough that regardless if I broke up with him or didn’t, at some point I would stop being an idiot and I’d make amends with her. I was really emotional after the breakup and she made me feel as if nothing bad had gone on between her and me. She was there just like she always had been and I know that’s why she’s my best friend. I’ll never risk our friendship for a guy again.
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