My BFF’s Relationship With Her Mooching Boyfriend Ruined Our Friendship

Back in college, my freshman roommate and I became quickly inseparable friends. We had similar personalities, were drama-free, and we lived with each other all four years, which was great… until it suddenly wasn’t. Going into our junior year of school, she started dating a guy that was awful. I tried to delicately bring up my concerns once it became obvious the relationship wasn’t ending anytime soon, but it didn’t help. In fact, their terrible relationship ruined ours.

  1. Hanging out as a group became impossible. Gone were the days of casual double dates and hanging out on the weekends. I didn’t want to be around him, so I avoided him at all costs. I’m definitely not the confrontational type, so I was hoping nature would run its course on this relationship. It wasn’t just me, either. Everyone else felt the same way about her boyfriend — he was rude, lazy, and generally just not a nice person — but no matter what, she just didn’t seem to get it.
  2. I stopped asking about him. As time went on, I honestly couldn’t bring myself to ask about him or details about their dates. I didn’t want to hear about it. He wasn’t nice to her at all and she deserved so much better. He would actually make snide and completely untrue remarks about her weight in front of her friends! It was sickening.
  3. She was always gone. Although I only politely brought it up once or twice, I’m sure she knew how much I didn’t like him. As a result, she began spending more and more time at his house. Weekends would go by and I wouldn’t see her. I had my own boyfriend too, so we were both busy living separate lives.
  4. She asked if he could move in with us temporarily. He was a year older than us, so at the end of our junior year, he graduated. The problem was that although he wanted to go to med school — which we all knew he was never going to do — he hadn’t even taken the MCAT or applied. His parents refused to pay his rent anymore because they wanted him to come home to study. Needless to say, he didn’t like that. I should also tell you that his parents had just bought him a brand new Mustang. Basically, he was spoiled and didn’t want to listen to his parents. My roommate told me it would only be for two weeks while he found a job and a new apartment. I reluctantly agreed because I didn’t want to be rude.
  5. Three months later, he was still living with us. He obviously wasn’t motivated to study or to find a real job. What was supposed to be two weeks quickly turned into three, four, and eventually, months started to go by. Needless to say, I was pissed. Did she not see how unfair this was to me? I could never find time to bring it up to her, though, since he was always at our apartment.
  6. He was gross and didn’t seem to care that he was mooching. Every day, he sat on the couch in his wifebeater, eating takeout and watching TV. It was gross. He wasn’t some polite guest who cleaned up after himself and made himself scarce. No — he was always in the living room in front of that TV every time I got home from class. At night, he and my roommate would watch more TV and get more takeout. My room became my safe haven. I would get home from class, grab something to eat, and quietly head upstairs half mumbling about work I needed to do.
  7. My friend started to get lazy too. She’d always been a “go-getter” — you know, someone who was constantly involved and always looking for a new club to join. She literally couldn’t sit still. After about a year of dating him, though, this was obviously starting to change. She would stay home every night with him, eating crap constantly. I honestly didn’t eat very healthy in college, but this was next level crap. I mean, fast food every night! Then she began to gain weight, which made his comments towards her even worse.
  8. She finally broke up with him. A few months later, he eventually moved out and got his own place. Did he ever take the MCAT? Of course not. She continued making excuses for him until I think she finally realized that this wasn’t a healthy relationship and he was going nowhere. The problem was, it was simply too late. By now it was the end of our senior year and we were about to graduate.
  9. The damage was done. The last month before we graduated, we started to hang out more again, but things were never the same. She apologized once about the whole situation, but the damage was already done. I’d dealt with that jerk for two years by then and was over it. I was mad she’d put me in the middle of the situation to begin with. Obviously, we all make mistakes, but seeing her in that relationship and dealing with him on a regular basis was too much. We still keep in touch now, but our friendship has never been quite the same.
Victoria Hill is a freelance writer in Boston. Originally from Florida, she is slowly becoming accustomed to Boston winters. She loves writing, coffee, and actually experiencing seasons!