My Biggest Mistake In Dating Made Way For My Biggest Love

I met my current boyfriend shortly after making a monumental mistake in the world of dating. It was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made and I regret it to this day.

  1. I’d just broken up with my ex-boyfriend. Picture the scene: I just ended things with my first serious boyfriend who I’d been with for four years and I didn’t know what the hell was going on. He was my rock during a particularly bad period of my life, during which I had mental health issues and was grieving for two lost grandparents. 
  2. I was a shell of a girl. Breaking up with my ex was a shock to the system since I was never without him for more than a few days at a time at any point during our relationship. He was everything that was familiar to me and we went from best friends to strangers in a very short amount of time. Needless to say, I was broken.
  3. I neglected myself. I put so much time and energy trying to make my relationship with my ex work that I accidentally neglected myself in the process. I put on weight, I didn’t eat well, and I thought exercise was just something only gym bunnies participated in. I didn’t recognize myself anymore and I hated it.
  4. I had no idea what I wanted from life. As well as neglecting myself, I neglected my career. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do for a job at that point and just coasted through life with a company I didn’t really belong at because I didn’t know what else to do with myself. I couldn’t work out how to look towards the future when I was still mourning my past. I had absolutely no clue what to do with my time and where to go and my mental health suffered as a result.
  5. I leaned on my friends, both old and new. I ended up in a pretty dark place and did whatever I could to get a short burst of happiness within the constant cloud of doom. The only way I got through losing myself after my breakup was to throw my energy into old relationships, as well as forging new ones.
  6. I got a little too close to a male friend. I’d been out of touch with my best guy friend from school for a while and it was nice to reconnect while I was going through my heartbreak. We got super close after my breakup and he was often there for me like no one else was. We didn’t just text and call, we met up quite regularly. It got to a point where we went drinking at a bar together one night and we inevitably started making out. At the time, I wanted it to happen because I honestly thought it could be my next major relationship, but now I realize that I was blinded by unhappiness.
  7. I mistook comfort for a spark. I did almost anything for attention and to feel wanted by the opposite sex because I couldn’t understand why my ex rejected me. My best male friend was safe and comfortable, but I stupidly mistook this for romance because I wanted anything that would make the pain of my heartbreak go away. We started dating but it was a shambles from start to finish. We kept hopping between friends and lovers because our friendship was all we knew for a really long time and he struggled to be romantic with me. In fact, he went hot and cold all the time, which made me feel even worse than I did when we were just friends.
  8. He wouldn’t define what we were doing so I peaced out. I sought validation from him all the time with regards to where things were going and if we were going to be official one day, but he was always really vague and said that we needed to take things slow. I decided that I needed to work on myself and I went away for a while, knowing that things weren’t going to work out but hoping they would upon my return.
  9. He disappeared without a trace. Soon later, he completely cut contact with me. He ignored my texts, deleted me from social media, and basically ghosted me. I never spoke to the guy again, which was such a shame, but it wasn’t through lack of trying on my part. I reached out every way I could but he was obviously confused or not into us being more than friends and didn’t have the heart to tell me. It still hurts that I lost my ex and my best male friend within such a small time frame, but there was honestly nothing I could do about it. The damage was done and the situation was now out of my hands.
  10. My Prince Charming eventually came along. It wasn’t long before my new boyfriend came into my life and taught me how I deserve to be treated by a romantic partner. He loved me even when I didn’t love myself and slowly but surely, the dark cloud removed itself from my atmosphere. I became a better, brighter, stronger version of myself and learned to feel whole again without a guy. Finding such a great one was a welcome bonus.
  11. I learned a valuable lesson. Even though it was an extremely tough period of my life, it taught me that I have to love myself instead of doing everything possible to try and make someone else love me. It also taught me not to mistake friendship for something more just because I need comforting. Furthermore, you can’t expect someone else to “fix” your broken pieces. You have to fix them your own damn self.
Katie Davies is a British freelance writer who has built a career creating lifestyle content that caters to the modern woman. When she's not sipping tea, shopping, or exploring a new city, you'll probably find her blogging about her fashion and travel adventures at