You’re busy living your life, trying not to think about the fact that you haven’t had a date in weeks, and then boom — you open your mail one day and there it is: another wedding invite. You can’t believe you have to sit through yet another ceremony and pretend to be happy for someone when you’re the furthest thing from engaged possible. You will, of course, but that doesn’t mean these thoughts don’t go through your mind first:
- “Not again.” Is everyone getting married these days? Didn’t you just have a wedding last week? There must be something in the water. You don’t care if this couple is truly in love. You just know that there are basically too many weddings happening and you’re not into it at all.
- “I need to block her on Facebook.” Ugh — the Facebook brag is the worst thing in the world. From sparkling ring selfies to fake complaining about wedding planning stress, it’s enough to make you want to tear your hair out. You get it, she found love. Does she have to tell the entire planet?
- “I can’t believe they’ve lasted this long.” You don’t have proof that their relationship sucks, you just think it must be true. Sure, it’s not the nicest thought to have, but you feel like tons of couples shouldn’t even be together.
- “She’s clearly desperate.” Why else would she get married so soon after meeting this guy? Even if it’s been a few years, you still think it’s way too soon to even think about getting hitched. How much does she even know about him? Doesn’t she want to see what else is out there?
- “She’s a Bridezilla.” Most brides-t0-be are — it’s like some kind of law or something. If you’re super close to this woman, you’re dreading your bridesmaid duties. If she’s an old college friend or just a Facebook friend, you don’t want to see the posts on social media. Either way, you lose.
- “Did she pressure him into it?” Don’t tons of guys absolutely hate the idea of marriage? Don’t they have super strong views on the subject? What reason could this guy possibly have for marrying her? He’s probably being strong-armed and maybe was even given an ultimatum.
- “I’m so glad I don’t need that validation.” When you hold that invite in your hands, you get a smug feeling of satisfaction. You’re still single, but at least you don’t need a guy in your life in order to feel like you’re worth something. You love yourself, thank you very much.
- “I’m so much smarter than her.” You feel guilty as soon as you think this but you still can’t help it. You put in such long hours every week trying to make something of your career and this woman only cares about color schemes and flowers and seating arrangements? Please. You have bigger things to worry about.
- “Divorce is in their future.” You wouldn’t say this to anyone you know, of course. That would just make you look bitter and you’re not bitter, you swear. Apparently the idea that half of marriages end in divorce isn’t true after all but that doesn’t stop you from being totally convinced this couple won’t make it.
- “It should be me.” Ultimately, you know that you think these things because you’re just a tiny bit jealous. OK, maybe more than a tiny bit. You’ve put in your time, you go on tons of dates, you put yourself out there, and yet the wedding invite in your hands isn’t for your own big day.
