I Got Botox & Loved It But I Didn’t Like Who It Turned Me Into

Even though I’m young, I decided to try Botox to fill in a few small wrinkles I’d noticed forming. I loved it and was pleased with the results, but soon after, I started to notice some changes in myself that I really didn’t like—and they had nothing to do with my face.

My curiosity got the better of me. No harm in trying it once, right? A few of my coworkers had been raving about it, I’d heard it was virtually painless, and it only lasts about three months, so if I hated how it made me look, it would wear off pretty quickly and I wouldn’t do it again.

I was shocked at how quick and easy it was. I don’t know anything about plastic surgery, so I was pretty surprised when I discovered that getting Botox isn’t even remotely close to anything surgical. It’s essentially like going somewhere for a quick eyebrow wax. It takes about 10 minutes and people literally do it on their lunch breaks and then go back to work. The fact that it was such an easy procedure made me less nervous.

Initially, I loved the effects it had. Within just a few days I noticed that all of my little wrinkles had completely smoothed out. I’ve always had a worry wrinkle on my forehead because I’m so expressive with my face. The Botox made everything look dewy and fresher. I was thrilled! Little did I know how temporary that feeling was.

It started a vicious cycle. It would’ve been fine if it had stopped there but that was just the beginning of a hurricane of self-deprecation and raging insecurities. Turns out, Botox is just the tip of the iceberg of all the things you can have done to your face to make yourself “prettier.” All of a sudden, I became so much more aware of all of my physical flaws. Ugh, great.

I started to consider getting other procedures done to enhance my appearance. I’d heard from other women that once you started with this stuff, it was easy to become addicted to it. I just assumed that I was immune to all of that and I wouldn’t get sucked into the hype, but I soon realized that no one is immune. At first, I said I was only going to get Botox once, but I had it done three times before I realized what it was doing to me. I considered getting more extensive procedures done, like having my lips injected so that they would be fuller. I also considered getting my cheeks filled to be more sculpted. The doctor even said to me, “You’d have the Kardashian look!” What’s wrong with looking like myself? My self-confidence took a huge blow and it wasn’t fun at all.

It was weird not being able to move my forehead. I’m used to making exaggerated facial movements—it’s a big part of my personality. Once you get Botox, though, movement in the face is extremely limited. You can only raise your eyebrows ever so slightly and frowning to express anger or frustration is basically impossible. I even started getting terrible headaches from trying and failing to move my forehead so much. I was starting to think I’d rather have a worry wrinkle than splitting migraines every day.

I temporarily forgot that there’s nothing wrong with aging gracefully. Having wrinkles on your face means you’re very animated when you speak and having crow’s feet around your eyes and lines around your mouth means that you smile and laugh a lot. We’re made to think that we should get rid of these things because they’re unattractive but aren’t they really just proof that we’ve been enjoying our lives? I know the idea of growing older freaks us all out, but honestly, we should revel in our aging. With every year of life we live through, we gain a whole year of new experiences and emotions. It’s really a beautiful thing.

It’s a costly habit to upkeep. Botox definitely isn’t cheap. Even if you start getting it when you’re young and get a very minimal amount like I did, you should still expect to pay upwards of $200-$250 minimum per treatment. Depending on the person,  it wears off after three months so, that’s something you’d pay about four times a year. That’s $1,000 you could be spending on something worthwhile.

I realized I don’t want to lose the face I was born with. I believe that every woman is beautiful in her own way. We should be proud of the faces we have because there’s beauty in every single one of us. Sure, you can have a bunch of stuff injected to make yourself look like someone else’s idea of pretty but, I don’t want to change my appearance so much that I turn into someone I don’t recognize. I love myself the way I am and every woman should.

I’m not knocking anyone who wants Botox. I’m not saying you should never do anything to alter your appearance. I think you should look exactly how you want to look. I just felt like ironically, the Botox made me dislike my appearance when it should’ve done the opposite. So many women swear by it and I completely respect that. This is just a personal choice I’m making for myself to not have it done again.

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