Do You Bottle Up Your Desires? 8 Signs You Could Loosen Up A Bit

It should go without saying in 2015 that women shouldn’t be judged because of their desires. We’re all human, and we all have needs. Unfortunately, many women feel the need to bottle it up or risk being labeled promiscuous or looked at differently by the world around them.  If you find yourself repressing your desires, you need to realize that anyone who judges you for it doesn’t deserve a second of your time. Here are eight signs you need to loosen up and express yourself, sensuality and all.

  1. You’ve never looked at your lady bits with a mirror. Embracing yourself starts with getting intimate with yourself, and that means exploring. The next time you take a shower, grab a hand mirror and squat down to really see what all the fuss is about. Poke around a bit too to find out how it feels when certain areas are touched. Once you’re more acquainted with what’s down there, you’ll feel a lot better about satisfying yourself (or directing other people to do it for you).
  2. You’re afraid of satisfying yourself, or you think it’s wrong. It is a healthy, natural, and a great way of finding out what you like and what you don’t, and the best part is that only you have to know about it. To get used to it, try doing it in the safest, most private place you know of – in your bed, under the covers, in the middle of the night. There’s something about doing things in the dark that gives one a lot more confidence.
  3. You think popping your cherry is a HUGE deal. Some women see themselves as broken or feel ashamed if they’re no longer sacred, but that shouldn’t be the case. The world likes to give a special status to people who have never had sex and worships them as some kind of “ideal woman,” but that’s just silly. Just because you’ve slept with someone doesn’t mean you’re suddenly worthless.
  4. You think getting down before marriage is wrong and judge people who do it. Unless you sleep with someone, how can you be so sure you’re compatible with them? You don’t really know someone unless you’ve had slept with them, so waiting until it’s too late to get out could be a bad idea unless it’s something you both feel equally as strong about because it’s right for you, not because you feel you have to. There’s also nothing wrong with getting married after having slept with them.
  5. You think it’s wrong for a woman to ask a guy out or initiate it. OK, maybe you wouldn’t do it at first because it’s not as “romantic” as when a guy does it, but after a while, you need to get over yourself. You can’t just leave your future and pleasure up to a guy. He’s not going to judge you for it, either. Instead, he might like you even more because you’re confident and you like getting down, and to decent guys, those things are more important than your status as a perfect virgin.
  6. You feel ashamed for having urges. Men have urges, and so do women. That’s just a fact. And today, we like to think we’re all equals, so if you’re okay with men having urges, why aren’t you okay with women having them? Are you purposely trying to make yourself inferior to men? You should never feel shame for anything about your body or feelings, and anyone who tells you otherwise needs to leave.
  7. You think using your mouth is demeaning. Some people love a bit of mouth action, some people hate it. And both are okay, because we all have opinions and are allowed to have preferences when it comes to our bodies. But if the reason you don’t like it is because you think it’s dirty or demeaning, then you need to rethink your stance. If you’re with a guy who respects you as much as you respect him, and who treats you right in all other areas of life, then there’s no reason to feel wrong for going down on him. He certainly wouldn’t think less of you for it, and in fact, he’d probably think you were the most amazing person on the planet for blessing him with it in the first place.
  8. You’re afraid to ask your man for favors, or you think you don’t deserve them. You deserve as much pleasure from him as he does from you, and that’s a fact. Relationships aren’t one-sided. If there’s mutual respect, and he asks you for things, why shouldn’t you be able to ask him? If he objects to it, then he’s probably a douchebag and not worth your time. You need to realize there are way more important things in life than trying to be an “ideal woman” for everyone.
Chelsey is a freelance writer in NYC. She's pretty normal by today's standards, or at least that's what her mother tells her.