Almost four years ago, I found out that my loving, loyal, boyfriend of four years had been cheating on me. I didn’t catch them in bed and he didn’t confess in guilt-ridden tears; instead, his ex-girlfriend showed up at my house during a party I was throwing and told me that they’d been secretly hooking up for months. It sucked. I cried, I yelled and I struggled to get through it. I did get through it, and now that I’ve got some distance from the situation, I’m actually grateful for the betrayal — here’s why:
- It forced me to grow up. It’s not that I wasn’t mature before, but after learning that the person I’d confided in for over three years was a cheater, I realized that I needed to always rely on number one (that’d be me, in case that wasn’t clear)!
- I learned that sometimes there’s a more sinister reason for erratic behavior. I thought my ex loved me the same way that I loved him. He was attentive, took me on romantic dates and our friends and families fit together like glue. Unfortunately, he also was a petty liar, a bad listener and blew me off last minute quite frequently. At the time I thought it was annoying, but turns out it was because he had a second relationship on the side!
- I learned how to love someone despite their flaws. Crazy, I know, but I was in love with the guy. I loved him despite all these terrible qualities. When I found out he was cheating, I realized that if I could love someone with blatantly obvious faults, I could definitely love someone that treats me the way I deserve.
- I now know What A Relationship ISN’T. A relationship is not selfish, constantly questioning or frequently dramatic. The most frustrating thing was that he always thought I was seeing someone else, or how he was convinced that my best friend and I secretly had feelings for one another. No matter how much I assured him that there was no one else, he felt insecure about our relationship. I later found out that cheaters often make their partner out to be unfaithful in some way to deflect from their own behavior.
- It Was My First Awkward And Real Relationship. I experienced all the awkward firsts with someone that treated me only moderately well and I still don’t regret it one bit! Every awkward moment we had together, physically and emotionally, is something I’m grateful for today. I’ve thought about it, and if I had to trade all the great experiences for never having been with him, I wouldn’t do it. I would take the cheating all over again because of how much stronger the experience made me in the end.
- I Learned What True Closure Is. Telling someone that you need closure is absolute crap. We had a ton of different conversations after we broke up, and not one made me feel better! In fact, each one made me feel worse! It wasn’t until I blocked him out for a few months, carried on in my daily life and became busy with other things that I realized I finally had my closer — and I’d given it to myself.
- Forgiveness Is Freeing. I didn’t truly get over my ex for about two years after all our drama went down. It was a difficult time and I hated that I had lost my best friend. I had to see him frequently since we ran in the same circles and I knew I had to get over him. Instead of holding a grudge, I learned to truly forgive him. I started piecing together all the amazing things I learned from our relationship and I knew that it wasn’t worth hating a whole period of my life because of him. Instead, I decided that I wouldn’t let his hurtful choices hurt me any longer. When I finally made that decision, I was free.
- My Confidence has skyrocketed. In the aftermath of learning that half of my relationship was a lie, I learned just how amazing I am! I never thought I could be that strong or independent, yet every day I put my big girl pants on and realized that I’m an amazing woman. I know I don’t need a guy if I don’t want one, and I now understand that a real relationship should be free of lies, deceit and constantly blaming your significant other for really stupid things.
