My Boyfriend Adds To My Life, But He’s Not My Everything—And That’s How It Should Be

I see it all the time—people get into relationships and make their other half the center of their universe. Sure, I get it—they’re in love and their partner means everything to them. Still, there’s life outside of every relationship, or at least there should be. Here’s why my guy will never be my everything.

  1. I’m an independent woman with my own life. I don’t need a guy! Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome to have someone in my life who cares for me and wants the best for me, but I can get by just fine without one, thank you very much. After all, I’ve done it countless times in the past, so I know I’m perfectly capable. If you look at the statistics, technically I’ve spent most of my life single—and I’ve done alright!
  2. I’ve learned from past mistakes. Once you’ve already had a relationship where you’ve made your boyfriend your everything, you won’t do it again. It’s likely to have gone horribly wrong in the end—well, it did for me! I made him my sole focus, it all fell apart, and I turned around one day and wondered where the hell all my friends went. It turns out, they got sick of always being second best to my boyfriend. Luckily, they forgave me, but still—lesson learned.
  3. I’m in charge of my own happiness. As soon as you start relying on your other half to make you happy, that’s where the trouble starts. Sure, it’s lovely when they do those little things that they know will put a smile on your face, but trust me—it’s dangerous to purely rely on them for your happiness. As I keep saying, I’ve done this before and it wasn’t cool! I essentially put far too much pressure on my other half and had expectations that were far too high, so there was no way in hell that he could meet them on a daily basis. Then I’d get angry at him, blame him for my unhappiness, and it’d result in many, many arguments! Moral of the story? Gal’s gotta put her smile on her own face.
  4. I need to focus on myself sometimes too. I’m still so young with an abundance of things I want to do in my life, so why should I compromise any of that for a dude? I shouldn’t. My current boyfriend accepts everything I want to do, supports me, and just lets me get on with it. It’s so important to have time for yourself as well as time for your other half. I love myself as much as, if not more than, my boyfriend
  5. I want to make time for the other people in my life. Your loved ones can feel neglected when you’re in a relationship, so it’s important not to let that happen. Sure, I prioritize my boyfriend, but I also prioritize the other special people in my life. I make sure I manage my time effectively so I have the balance just right. Sometimes, being human, I might mess up said balance, but knowing my past, a loved one will always call me out on it.
  6. I refuse to be a stage five clinger. Let’s face it—we’ve all been there. We’ve all had a relationship where we were constantly in the other person’s pocket. We didn’t let them out of our sight, we bombarded them with questions, and we were generally just really obnoxious. No? Just me then. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be someone who doesn’t ever let her boyfriend breathe.
  7. I don’t want to push him away. If you do end up being a stage five clinger, it’s bye-bye boyfriend and hello single life. Obviously it’s nice for your boyfriend to feel loved, but let’s not overwhelm the poor guy. Being too needy isn’t exactly an attractive quality. Besides, ladies—we don’t really need men, we just want them. It’s important to be able to tell the difference.
  8. I need breathing space. Neither party wants to be suffocated in a relationship. As an introvert, sure, I like to be around people, but I also love to be on my own. In my experience, having self-care time is instrumental in making a relationship successful.
  9. My career means a lot to me. Of course my relationship is important to me, but so is my career. It’s imperative to get the balance right with your boyfriend and loved ones, but it’s also imperative to obtain a good work-life balance. Work gives us purpose in life—it gives us a reason to get out of bed every morning. As well as a boyfriend, loved ones and ourselves, we have to somehow work out how to juggle work too. Phew. Ain’t it fun being a millennial woman?
  10. It might be too much too soon. A lot of people seem to rush relationships nowadays. They see each other every day after dating for a month, they move in together after six months, and they get married within the year. Each to their own and all that, but seriously, what’s the rush? We have our entire lives to do all that stuff. The key is to get to know your partner—I mean, really get to know them—and make sure they’re the right one for you. The relationship is likely to last longer that way. And remember to keep doing you. Your relationship and your life as a whole will be better for it.
Katie Davies is a British freelance writer who has built a career creating lifestyle content that caters to the modern woman. When she's not sipping tea, shopping, or exploring a new city, you'll probably find her blogging about her fashion and travel adventures at