I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years now and I love everything about him—well, almost everything. He’d be happy if we had sex practically 24/7 and I just can’t keep up anymore. I feel like it’s not just taking a toll on me but on our entire relationship.
- It’s starting to make me question our relationship. I can’t help but wonder if sex is the only thing that matters to him. My ideal night in would consist of watching movies, making dinner and talking to each other, but he seems more preoccupied with the next time he can get in my pants. I question if we’re even together for the right reasons anymore. Sex is important to me, sure, but so is a strong emotional connection
- It makes me less attracted to him. The more my boyfriend pressures me to have sex, the less I want to do it. It makes him seem whiny and needy. Whenever I turn him down, he always needs validation that I still like him and I still find him attractive. I admit that sometimes I turn him down because he can become so demanding and it just turns me off. It can be exhausting. I miss the independent and self-validated man I fell in love with.
- I wonder if he’s a sex addict. I constantly wonder if there’s a deeper issue than just wanting to have sex all of the time. Could my boyfriend be addicted to sex? When we were in the honeymoon phase, this all felt so normal—we couldn’t get enough of each other! But my sexual needs have changed since then and I feel like his have only escalated. It’s almost like he’s obsessed with having sex.
- I feel like I should give in just to please him. Part of being in a relationship is having the desire to satisfy the other person. I feel like when I don’t give in to having sex, I’m letting my boyfriend down and bruising his ego. I don’t want to do that. I’m stuck in a bind between wanting to make him happy and showing him that I love him but also wanting to respect my own limits (and wanting him to do the same). Sometimes I just want to go to bed after a long day at work but will give in anyway because it would be quicker to just have sex than it would be to argue about not having it.
- He always wants to try things I’m just not ready for. One day my boyfriend brought the idea of a threesome up to me. I wasn’t ready and didn’t want to do it but I knew it would make him happy so I hesitantly agreed. He immediately downloaded dating apps and started swiping through girls asking me if I thought they were attractive. Tears started to swell up in my eyes but he didn’t even notice. I later had to tell him that it isn’t something I want to do. It just makes me feel like I’m not enough for him.
- I worry that he might cheat on me. I know humans have their needs, but I feel like he’s so much more persistent about his. If I don’t give him sex, I’m hyper-aware of the fact that he might go get it somewhere else. That’s reasoning enough for me to suck it up and give in some days. I’m constantly wondering if he’s seeing someone else on the side so he can get laid whenever he wants. If he hasn’t cheated on me in the past couple of years, I would actually be shocked.
- It makes me feel insecure about my own sexuality. I feel less confident when I’m having sex because I’m just not as into it anymore. I can’t be as passionate as I used to be with him and I know he notices. I wonder if it’s me that has the abnormal sex drive and if he would be happier with someone else.
- I feel like I’m being used. If this is an addiction, am I the one who’s feeding it? Is he with me only so he can get regular sex? Whenever he initiates sex, it doesn’t feel natural. Instead of giving into pleasure, I’m judging him for being so obsessed with having sex. I wonder how much longer we can last like this.
- It makes me wonder if all men are this way. I can’t help but wonder if this is just a problem with all men that I can’t escape. Men naturally have a stronger sex drive than women, but do all men really want sex all the time? I worry that if we break things off and I get into another relationship, I’m just going to experience the same problems.