Not long ago, I met a guy who seemed to break the mold of disappointing single dudes. He had a job, his own house, and had been divorced for a while but was ready to find love again. We dated for a month before a glaring red flag smacked me in the face: he told me I wasn’t pretty enough to be seen with him.
- The first date was the best one I’ve ever been on. When I first met this guy, we went out for tacos and margaritas. He wore jeans and a button-down shirt while I wore a tight polka dot wrap dress and flats. He smelled nice, was mildly charming, had a great smile, and was genuinely interested in what I had to say. I agreed to go out with him again, and we ended up dating for a month.
- I always made sure to look nice for him even though I don’t date for appearances. Our second date, I wore jeans and a cute top; he wore the same jeans and button down as our previous night out. We went to a really nice restaurant on the top floor of a hotel for our third date and since I knew it was high-end, I dressed up a bit even though it was a weeknight. He wore dress pants from a suit, but I could tell right away it wasn’t a pricey suit. None of that mattered to me because he made the effort to look nice and take me to a great place.
- My style is generally pretty relaxed and I thought he was into it. I definitely take pride in what I look like, but I don’t get my nails done and I never wear a full face of makeup. I prefer a more natural look. He clearly knew this from the beginning because I never hid my preferences and was always true to myself and my look. When we went out I would compliment his appearance because people like to feel good, but our connection was more intellectual and emotional rather than being focused on physical appearance… or so I thought.
- I lead a very busy life and rarely make looking hot a priority. As a single mom, my children will always take priority over my social life. My daughter’s birthday had completely drained my energy one weekend, but I was committed to seeing my guy that night. I spent the previous night and the entire day of our date planning and managing her birthday party, so I let him know ahead of time that I was overwhelmed and exhausted and would be dressing down. His response text assured me it wasn’t a problem and that he was dressing casually as well.
- The first red flag showed up when I got out of the car. In all previous public encounters, he would rush towards me, scoop me up, and kiss me passionately. This time, he hesitated as I leaned in for a kiss. I brushed it off as being because we hadn’t seen each other in a few days. The restaurant we went to wasn’t fancy whatsoever. It resembled a college party place more than anything fancy, so I felt very comfortable in my skinny jeans, bralette, and loose white tee.
- His friends joined us and we got along great, which was a good sign, right? During our drinks, friends of his happened to be at the same place and they ended up joining us. We all got along great and I interjected in the conversation with playful banter pretty often. We had a good laugh together but I got a phone call that required me to leave early, so after we finished our drinks, I said my goodbyes to his friends and walked back to my car.
- When we got back to my car, he totally avoided me. When we left the restaurant, I went to grab onto his elbow and then his hand and he moved away. Now all sorts of alarms are going off. Was this guy really trying to not be seen with me? When we got to the car, instead of kissing me goodbye, he gave me a hug! What the hell was going on?
- I knew something was up but I waited a day to dig for it. I sent a text the next morning asking if everything was OK because it felt a little off the night before. He waited five hours to respond and when he did, he told me he felt like I didn’t put enough effort into my appearance when I was with him. He followed up by telling me he wanted to show me off to his friends and couldn’t because of the way I dressed. And yes, he was serious.
- I didn’t waste another second of my time on him. My response was venomous. I told him if I wanted his opinion on my attire, I would have asked for it, and then blocked him. I have absolutely no time for a man to try and tear me down. Been there, done that, and I’m not going back. Besides, I still looked really hot that night.