I really cared about him so I was reluctant to let him go. I didn’t want to give up on the future I’d envisioned for us but eventually, I didn’t have a choice.
He asked me to. He told me to move on with someone else because he’s not the one for me. I was in denial at first because I saw a future with him, but knew I had to let him go because I can’t keep someone who doesn’t want to stay. It almost sounded like he felt trapped with me and that’s not the kind of relationship I want.
My feelings started changing. I was madly in love with him but the way he treated me and constantly disappointed me meant that my strong feelings started disappearing. I stopped calling and texting him like before because every single time, he was “too busy” to talk. I stopped going out of my way to make him happy or show him how I feel for him because he didn’t appreciate it. Slowly but surely, I stopped feeling that I needed to see him or talk to him at all.
Our relationship was completely one-sided. He stopped investing in the relationship and seemed less and less interested in me as the days went by. He didn’t want to talk about his day, he didn’t want to be physically close, he didn’t want to spend time together. His actions spoke louder than his empty words. I was the one doing everything for the both of us and it started to weigh me down.
My mental health was suffering. I was consistently in a bad mood. I didn’t want to hang out with anyone and felt so disconnected from everything. I was emotionally and physically drained and my views on relationships and love started to change for the worse. I started to believe that I’d never find a love that didn’t hurt.
He didn’t click with my friends and family. My friends didn’t get along with him. They thought he had a boring personality and didn’t think he was a good match for me. My family couldn’t see what I saw in him. It was awkward whenever he came over because their disapproval of the relationship was undeniable.
I needed some peace of my own. I needed a break from him. He was consistently making comments that made me feel bad about who I am like, “Did you gain weight?” and “You’re too intense for me.” I needed to remove myself from the environment that made me feel I wasn’t good enough. I needed to reflect on our relationship without him being a part of my life. The person I needed to have an honest conversation with was me, not him. I needed time to
I’m a sucker for doing the right thing. Like I said before, I come from a place where we don’t give up on people. It’s the same place that believes in people even when they don’t believe in themselves and doesn’t leave people in their hour of need. I give a million second chances until I finally walk away. For a while, I thought it was the right thing for me to stay, but I came to realize that it was my fear of losing him that stopped me from leaving, not my desire to do what was right.
In the end, leaving was easier than I thought. I didn’t believe I was capable of leaving until I did and it was easier than I thought it would be because I was letting go of someone who wasn’t right for me. Knowing that the hardest part was over motivated me to keep going. My friends and family supported me along the way and that really helped.
I became myself again. I used to hold back with my feelings and thoughts because I didn’t want to get hurt. After I removed him from my life, I felt comfortable to be myself again because I wasn’t around someone who didn’t love me for me. I stopped caring about people’s opinion of me or their approval. I started enjoying the freedom of being myself and finally realized that I’m not for everybody.
As one door closes, another opens. I had faith that the universe had a better plan for me. I believe he came into my life to teach me how to let go. You know how they say that we need to make room for new things in our lives for them to happen? Well, I was trying to make a room.
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