14 Signs He Only Wants To Be Your Boyfriend Behind Closed Doors

Is he the perfect boyfriend when you’re alone together but totally different in public? He might be a guy who only wants to be your boyfriend behind closed doors when no one else is around. Here are some signs to keep an eye out for that show he’s keeping your relationship a secret.

  1. He acts like he’s single in public. When he goes out, it’s like he transforms into a totally different guy. He wants to smoke and drink with his buddies, going out and living large. He’s basically acting like a single guy when you’re not around and that’s just how he likes it.
  2. He treats you differently around his friends. He’s sweet and shy around you when you’re alone but then treats you almost like a stranger around his friends. Maybe he becomes the loud boyfriend who makes offensive comments, or maybe the opposite happens. Maybe around you he’s talkative and funny but around his friends, he shuts down when you’re in the vicinity.
  3. He doesn’t make an effort with your friends. When he hangs with you and your BFFs, he doesn’t really do much to try to get to know them or make them like him. It’s a bit uncomfortable at times because it’s like he doesn’t want to be there and he makes that perfectly clear.
  4. He takes you on dates across town. Instead of going to your favorite Chinese restaurant a few blocks away, he’ll take you across town for dinner, which is even out of the way for him. What’s up with that? It’s like he doesn’t want to bump into anyone he knows. He’s either cheating on you or ashamed of you. What gives?
  5. He won’t make your relationship Facebook official. He has every excuse under the sun for why he doesn’t want to mention that he’s in a relationship on social media. He might say that he just doesn’t see the point, he doesn’t want to share the news with his colleagues and acquaintances, he uses Facebook for work, and so on. It’s all BS. Don’t buy it.
  6. He doesn’t stick up for you in public. When someone’s offensive to you, your BF doesn’t come to your defense. Of course you can stick up for yourself, but it would be nice to know that he’s got your back. Unfortunately, it’s like you’re on your own in public, even when he’s around.
  7. He follows lots of models and “influencers” on social media. When he’s with you, he only has eyes for you. In his private world of social media, however, he follows lots of different scantily-clad models and women who clearly just want to flirt with him on his wall. Ugh. It’s like there’s a different world he lives in online.
  8. He doesn’t hold your hand in public. He refuses to be affectionate in public. Now, if he’s usually like that because he hates PDA, that’s probably just his thing. However, if he’s all over you in private but can’t even hold your hand in public, something’s wrong.
  9. He introduces you by name. Whether he introduces you to one of his co-workers or an old college friend, he always introduces you by name without saying who you are to him. Dodgy, especially because he calls you his girlfriend when you’re alone.
  10. He always wants to chill at his place instead of going out. It’s awesome to snuggle up on the sofa and watch your favorite Netflix shows but if he’s a social butterfly, this homely behavior can start to make you wonder what’s going on with him. Is he trying to hide you and your relationship from people?
  11. He ignores you to be with his friends at events. When you attend his friend’s wedding or birthday party, he spends most of the night with his friends, having a total blast—and leaving you to fend for yourself. Although you don’t have to be glued to each other when you’re at a party, you obviously don’t want to feel like he’s totally ignoring you to do his own thing.
  12. He never poses for selfies. When there’s a gorgeous sunset and you want to take a couple selfie with your boyfriend so you can upload it to Instagram, he says he doesn’t like photos or he’s not photogenic. He actually never wants to be in photos with you, even when other people are taking them. Hmmm. It’s like he doesn’t want any photographic evidence of your relationship.
  13. He only sees you on weeknights. It feels weird if your boyfriend always wants to see you on certain nights of the week but never invites you over to his place on the weekend. It can mean that he’s hoping to keep you a secret so he keeps you away from the rest of his life. He might also always have an excuse for why he can’t see you when you’re available. It’s like your relationship has to be on his terms and that’s just not fair.
  14. He’s low-key about what he does when you’re not around. Whenever you talk to your BF on the phone when you’re not there, he gives you vague answers for questions like, “What are you up to tonight?” He might always make you think he’s just chilling when you’re not there, but you can’t help but feel he’s keeping his public life separate from you. Not cool.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.
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