My boyfriend and I are both bisexual and our relationship is totally different than any I’ve ever been in before. There are a lot of advantages to our shared sexuality for sure, but there are quite a few challenges as well.
Being open about our sexuality from the beginning put our communication game on point. We revealed our bisexuality to each other before we even started dating so it wasn’t a surprise that came weeks or months into our relationship. We never felt the need to hide it from each other, and being upfront from the beginning set a great precedent for establishing solid communication between us. Since then, we’ve found it much easier to talk about issues big and small, which keeps our relationship strong.
Our jealous tendencies were magnified x 1000. If you’re naturally a jealous person, that quality is only exacerbated when you’re dating someone who’s attracted to both genders. Trust me, I know. It took some hard work on both our parts to squash any concerns, but we established boundaries early on, which has been a big help. After all, cheating has nothing to do with sexual preference.
For a while, I worried about him leaving me for a man. Admittedly, I wasn’t always 100% OK with the fact that my boyfriend likes guys too, which I know is hypocritical. He used to make comments about his family and friends thinking he was gay and I panicked, wondering if it might be true. I’d never dated a bisexual man before and I worried that he might only be halfway out of the closet. I wouldn’t have left him for a woman, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed something that I couldn’t offer him. It took me a long time to get over that fear.
We switch gender roles often. Neither of us fit into our stereotypical gender roles. We recognize one another as companions rather than a man or woman fulfilling specific needs. For instance, I do most of the heavy lifting and he’s the better cook. None of these roles are ever set in stone, of course; we both carry groceries, pay for things, cook, clean, etc. Our flexibility makes us a really awesome team.
We share a lot more—literally. He doesn’t care if he smells like a girl and I don’t mind smelling more manly. It ends up being cheaper because we can split the price of everything we share like our bath products, essential oils, face cleansers, etc. which can get pretty expensive. We can even swap clothing because we’re the exact same size.
People automatically assume we’re down for threesomes. Bisexuality isn’t a synonym for promiscuity or polygamy; we don’t have an open relationship and we don’t want one, even if it’s just in the bedroom. The fact that people assume being attracted to both genders means you want both at once or that you’re some kind of sexual deviant is ridiculous and totally inappropriate.
We’ve cross-dressed together and it wasn’t weird. We did this once for an event and it was so much fun! I did his makeup and made him look really pretty and he helped me look more like a guy. It was hilarious holding him down to put eyeliner on him, and it took pressure off one another knowing that we were both going to participate. He was way too hot as a girl and he got hit on by so many dudes!
We pass as a straight couple, which is good and bad. It’s a common assumption, considering we both present as a cis male and female. We don’t really mind and it actually makes things easier in public and at conservative family gatherings. However, if we were correctly identified, it would benefit us to have more support and recognition by the LGBTQ crowd. When we are honest about our sexuality, there aren’t many support groups for us. Bisexuals are often erased from the narrative, which is frustrating—we’re out here living and loving too!
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