My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me But Now He Won’t Leave Me Alone

I have a broken heart that I’m trying to get over but I can’t even start the process of trying to move on, no matter how much I want to. Why? Because my ex won’t let me. How am I supposed to let go of him when he won’t leave me alone?

  1. I need him out of sight so he can become out of mind. If he’s always around, whether he’s actually physically there or simply blowing up my phone, I’m always going to be thinking about him. He’s on my mind enough as it is without the reminders. I just want the chance to forget him. That might sound harsh, but I know the alternative means staying in love with him forever and watching him not love me back.
  2. I can’t be “just friends” with him. Maybe once upon a time we were considered “just friends” but that ship sailed a long time ago. I can’t pretend that our relationship never happened — all I can do is try to move forward. We’re not together. We’re not friends. We can never be friends because we’re exes, and that’s exactly what I need us to be so that I can move on.
  3. I don’t want to help him to transition to life without me. I’m not going to be his rebound for our own relationship. I don’t want to be the girl who helps him get over me. He might find comfort in still having me around while he starts to learn what single life is and meet new people, but that’s not a comfort to me. I don’t want to have to watch him get over me and eventually find happiness with someone else.
  4. Right now, I need to do what’s best for me. Maybe it makes him feel better for us to stay in touch, but it’s only making me feel worse. I still want to be with him and staying in each other’s lives is just making me hold onto the relationship and future I thought we were going to have all along. At the end of the day, he can’t be my priority anymore. I don’t care if he thinks he still needs me in his life, I need him out of mine. I know that’s what’s best for me.
  5. He broke up with me, not the other way around. Why is he still hanging on to me when he’s the one who chose to take me out of his life? I thought things were good. He’s the one who ended them so why is he still seeking me out? He’s acting like this breakup is so painful for him, but this was his choice. I’m the one who’s hurting. I’m the one who’s heartbroken, so I’m sick of him asking for my sympathy when I’m just trying to move on.
  6. He’ll never be part of my past if he’s still a part of my present. Moving on means leaving him behind. If I ever want a future with someone else then I have to be able to let go of my ex. Having him in my life is disrespectful to my future partner. I need to put him in my rearview mirror so that I can move forward with the rest of my life. He’s didn’t want to be a part of my future so he shouldn’t have a place in my present anymore.
  7. I can’t get over him if he’s still a part of my life. If I have feelings for a man, they don’t just go away over time — not if he’s still in my life. It’s rare for me to actually feel a spark and when I do, it’s electrifying. Forging a real connection with someone and then being forced to break that connection is almost impossible for someone like me. I don’t like a lot of people, so when I find one I do, I care about them too much to just be able to cut that tie just because we broke up. If he’s still in my life I know I’ll spend the rest of my days pining for his love and trying to win him back.
  8. He’s sending me mixed signals. Does he want to be with me or not? If the answer is no, why is he still spending all this time on me? Staying in my life just gives me a sense of hope that we might still end up together. He’s making me believe in the possibility of us reuniting and a chance of him falling back in love with me. If it’s over then I want the entire relationship to be over — no friendship, just exes who officially part ways for good.
  9. I feel like he’s keeping me around as a backup plan. I don’t want to be the girl he falls back on just in case he never meets anyone better suited for him. I’m not going to live my life waiting to be a man’s second choice. If he doesn’t want me now then he doesn’t get me ever. He’s keeping me close out of the fear of ending up alone and I know I deserve a hell of a lot better than that.
  10. He’s still treating me like I’m his girlfriend. I shouldn’t have to act the part of the girlfriend when I’m not actually his girlfriend anymore. He doesn’t get all of the benefits without any of the responsibility. I can’t be the person he leans on anymore. I might still be his best friend but it’s time for him to find a new one. When he ended our relationship he ended our friendship too. I’m not his friend. I’m not his girlfriend and I just want him to stop acting like I’m anything at all.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.