My Boyfriend Turns Into A Total Douchebag When He’s Around His Friends—WTF?

I’m in love with one hell of a guy. He’s an amazing man when he’s with me, his family, or even his coworkers… but he’s a completely different person around his friends. I really do love him but I can’t stand the guy he is when he’s with them.

  1. With me, he’s a total feminist. When he’s with his friends, though, it’s like he flips a switch. Suddenly, all of their sexist jokes that would normally offend him are hilarious. He becomes a womanizer just like the rest of them. I don’t care if he’s trying to fit in with the group—the more men generalize sexism, the worse it gets for women. I just want him to stand up for equality like he does with me but instead he makes inequality sound normal.
  2. His friends make our relationship out to be casual. The worst part is, he lets them. His friends are all players who have never had a serious relationship, so they can’t really understand. They openly push him to “spread his seed” and see what else is out there before settling down with one woman. He talks about marriage, kids, and our whole future when it’s just the two of us but around them, he’s zipped up because all they want is for him to be a bachelor.
  3. With me, he’s the mature adult man I desire. Then he gets with his friends and it’s like he reverts back to high school immaturity all over again. He’s pulling pranks and constantly getting himself into borderline illegal situations. I would have thought after all this time, he’d learn how they are and when to say no, but when he’s with them, he’s just like a teenager who wants to rebel. It’s anything but attractive.
  4. His friends make him feel bad for choosing to spend time with me. God forbid he’d ever choose date night over a bro session. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not one of those girlfriends who makes her boyfriend spend all her time with her. I have a career, hobbies, a family I love, and friends of my own. I have a whole separate life just like he does, but while I don’t make him feel bad when he wants a night with the guys, they make him feel guilty for being with me. I wish he’d tell them off with no sense of guilt, but instead, he just takes it and his sulking makes me think the strong man I know is really just weak.
  5. With me, he’s one of the sweetest guy’s I’ve ever met. When it comes to his friends though, they’re total gossips. I hear judgment coming out of his mouth so much that I can barely recognize him. I’m appalled by the comments he makes when he’s with the guys and the things they say that he laughs at or even worse agrees with. Other people who know him would describe him as kind, but when he’s with his friends, I can’t deny he’s a total jerk.
  6. His friends don’t know how to stop the party. At home, he’s a responsible drinker, but the second he goes out with his friends, everything changes. He’ll always say that he doesn’t want to get wasted that night or only wants a couple beers as he dreads the morning after hangover, but then comes the peer pressure. He turns into a college frat boy by the end of the night and I’m the one who has to pick him up or take care of him when he gets a cab home.
  7. With me, he shows complete transparency. He’s one of the most honest people I know, and that’s coming from a girl with some serious trust issues. When he gets around his friends, he turns into a compulsive liar. Every story is blown way out of proportion because every guy is trying to have the most epic tale. They’re all competing to impress each other and after all these years, I find it sad that they can’t just be normal friends.
  8. His friends have no real futures. Some of them flunked out of college, others bounce from basic job to job, while the last of them still live at home with no income in sight. They have no true work ethic and no real accomplishments. The truth is they’re not really doing anything with their lives. When my boyfriend’s with me, he acts completely driven and passionate about his job, but when he’s with them, he acts like they’re living the dream…
  9. With me, he’s a true individualist. He has an opinion about everything and the knowledge to back it up. He’s never afraid to tell me how he feels, even when we disagree. With his friends, he’s the total opposite. He conforms to whatever they say or however they feel about any given issue. Deep down I know that maybe he’s just more comfortable with me and that’s why he can be true to how he feels, but I still can’t help but be disgusted when he goes against his beliefs and agrees just to agree.
  10. His friends make me feel like I’m not good enough. We’ve been together for years and they love saying we don’t have a future or picking at who I am in general. I try to brush it off, but deep down it hurts. I really do want to like them and I want them to like me, but we’re just completely different people. I want my boyfriend to stand up for me, but they always play things off like they’re just joking. I have pretty thick skin so I know I’m not just being overly sensitive. What it really boils down to is I’m in love with a man they don’t even know, and they’re best friends with a guy that I don’t even like.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.