I’ve done my fair share of dating and I haven’t stumbled upon a guy who has quite as many female friends as my current boyfriend. His life is overflowing with lady companions. They really are just friends, and yet I’m still jealous as all hell. I can’t fight the feeling or make it stop, but I can try to deal with it calmly and logically.
- I’m just one of many women in his life. When my boyfriend kept talking about female friend after female friend, I knew I was in trouble as far as my jealousy goes. It went through the roof because there are so many women in his life and I’m just one of the many. My jealousy manifests itself in pouting, being silently resentful, and hating these other women. It’s not the prettiest sight, but I’m working on it.
- I’ve never dated a guy with so many female friends. The guys I’ve dated have had a few female friends here or there, but nothing like the spread that my boyfriend has. I’ve just never had this experience before where I’ve had to deal with my feelings around how many women are in my partner’s life. My partner is much more feminine than your average guy, so it makes sense that he surrounds himself with lovely women.
- Some of them are super pretty. Okay, I’ll admit I feel a bit of solace when I think that one of his friends is unattractive, but alternatively, my jealousy is fed when they’re super pretty. He has a few friends that are just total babes. I find that I compare myself to them, seeing how I stack up next to their beauty. It’s no way to be. It’s not useful at all to compare myself and it’s okay that they’re pretty, it doesn’t mean anything.
- He’s dated some of these women before. They’re either his ex-girlfriends or women he dated for a little while. This really gets my jealousy muscle pumping because I wonder if they’re both over their feelings for one another or if they’re still flirty. It makes me mad to think about, but it’s likely all just in my head. They’re exes for a reason.
- They talk all the time. It’d be one thing if he just kept in contact with his lady friends once in a while, but instead, it’s all the time. He talks to many of them every day because he’s extremely tight with them. This makes me pretty jealous. It’s okay though because I know that he talks to me more. They can talk all of the time and it doesn’t have an impact on our relationship, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.
- It’s not that I’m totally insecure. I feel very secure in who I am and in my relationship. I know that both are solid. I’m a wonderful person who deserves love and a nice relationship. My partnership is on great terms and we’re both having a lovely time. I don’t have anything to be insecure about. Sure, once in a while insecurity can slip in, but for the most part, I feel okay about everything.
- I trust him. Perhaps most important to all of this is that I trust my boyfriend. I have faith that he wouldn’t cheat on me or do anything to harm me. He’s a good guy with a great heart. He’s definitely worth placing my trust in because I know it won’t be broken. This makes it a lot easier when my jealousy flares up and tries to convince me that he’s going to cheat. I know it’s my head telling lies.
- I just wish he had all male friends. Regardless of all this justifying and rationalizing, I still hate it. I can attempt to be calm and collected all day but the reality is that I really just wish he was friends with a bunch of dudes. I wish I didn’t have to worry. His lady friends are lovely and all, but I could totally do without them, thank you very much.
- I don’t tell him about my jealousy. All of this is kind of a secret from him. I’m scared to admit how truly bothered I am by his female friends. I don’t want him to think I don’t trust him because that’s not why I’m so jealous. I guess I’m mildly insecure (I know, I just said I wasn’t) and driven by jealousy. I’ll continue keeping it to myself, though, because bringing it up would be useless. He’s not going to suddenly get rid of his friends and that’d be unfair of me to truly want that.
- Ultimately I think I can work through the jealousy. Don’t get me wrong, my first instinct when I found out that he had so many girlfriends was to run the other direction. I really wanted to just not deal with any of the feelings I was having, but I chose to stay. I really think that I can live with this jealousy. I’ll never totally overcome it, but it’s possible to live side by side with it. Jealousy will not own me!
