My Boyfriend Is The First Guy I Didn’t Sleep With Right Away & It’s Why We’re Together

I used to think that I should go ahead and have sex on the first date in order to avoid wasting time with a guy but then I found someone different. Since I really liked him, I decided to go about things in a completely different way so it wouldn’t end up being two weeks of sex then ghosting. I held out on sleeping with him and it changed everything.

  1. Waiting to have sex kept the thrill alive. Nothing beats the sweet anticipation of seeing each other naked. I used to be impatient and give it up on the first date. Sure, that gave me an idea of whether the guy and I would work out as a couple but it also diminished the thrill. Choosing to wait made every kiss so much more passionate and sex incredible. It was absolutely worth it.
  2. I had more time to prepare for the emotional consequences of sex. I used to jump into sex on the first date without thinking about the emotional impact too much. Considering myself “super chill,” I assumed that I wouldn’t get attached at all. Unfortunately, that was wrong. I realized that not rushing into hooking up the first time I meet a guy gives me plenty of time to figure out his character and prepare accordingly. For me, sex is way more emotional than physical.
  3. I showed him that I wasn’t an easy target. Unlike past dates when I was already in his bed by midnight, I waited and made him work on seducing me. He already had an interest in me and showing that I wasn’t an easy target peaked it to the maximum. We had deep conversations, he made me dinner, we went hiking and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company without sex.
  4. Not sleeping with him on the first date showed me that he wanted to stick around. I’ve had guys who saw that they wouldn’t get me in bed on the first date and so they immediately stopped calling. To them, I was a waste of time. Withholding sex on the first date is the perfect way to weed out the losers from the good guys.
  5. We focused on the conversation and it found out we were a perfect match. With sex out of the equation, our attention was hyperfocused on talking.  To my surprise, I realized that we had a ton in common. We knew the same weird historical facts, read the same books and made the same dumb philosophy jokes. We were able to create a deep connection before having sex and when we slept together later on, it was much more than physical pleasure.
  6. He respected me more. By saying “no” to sex on the first date, I showed him that I was a girl who needs to be courted and respected. He understood that I was selective about my partners and he realized that I’m a catch he needed to work for. There’s no faster way to lose a guy’s respect than jump in bed with him within hours of knowing each other. I’m never going back to being the girl who sleeps with a guy after he buys me a drink.
  7. Waiting to sleep with him showed him that I was mature. By making him wait, I made a clear statement that I was looking for something deeper than a one-night stand. He found out right away that I had a plan for us and liked me much more for it. Being impatient is not sexy at all. In fact, it’s childish and attracts the wrong type of guys.
  8. He worked twice as hard because he saw me as a “challenge.” Guys get bored of girls who are easy to bed. Not giving him sex on the first date made him work his butt off for me. He texted me regularly, took me out to places I love and sent me a whole lot of articles he knew I’d enjoy. He took the time to study me. The best thing was that this treatment continued even after we slept together. That’s the kind of guy I want.
  9. I had time to figure out what he likes. Had I slept with him on the first date, I would have done my regular tricks. Waiting until I got to know him better actually gave me an idea of what he might like. When we had sex, he was amazed at how I did everything right. Waiting is a form of research. I’ll never again be jumping into sex on the first date and without a plan. That’s for amateurs.
  10. When we finally had sex, it blew my mind. After so much anticipation and waiting, we finally had sex and it was incredible. We were both into it so deep, we lost track of time and space. It wasn’t just satisfying a physical craving. We had a great emotional bond and it was the best feeling I had experienced with a guy in years.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.