My Boyfriend Flirts With Other Women But Tells Me It’s All In My Head

My Boyfriend Flirts With Other Women But Tells Me It’s All In My Head ©iStock/filadendron

I consider myself a pretty open-minded person, and since my extroverted boyfriend is a social butterfly, I’m well aware that he has a huge circle of friends, including men and women. Still, when I see him giving other women the attention that I think should be reserved for me, it makes me bristle up a bit. Am I being too sensitive?

  1. Maybe flirting doesn’t mean anything to my boyfriend  For some people, it’s important to keep everybody happy and stay on their good side. That’s my boyfriend in a nutshell. He wants to be that goofy guy everyone likes. So, sometimes I have to ask myself if flirting is just a social game he plays in order to keep everyone smiling. I know that we all like to be praised, flattered and made to feel special. And I don’t think that his lady friends should be excluded from these little pleasures – but just not with my boyfriend, please.
  2. Am I guilty of flirting with other guys, too? I don’t think I flirt with other guys. However, I am familiar with the fun, exhilarating feeling that you get from flirting. It’s all about teasing, tension and power. And I know that in the past, I’ve flirted with guys who I had zero interest for. And I mean, zero. There was no physical attraction and no expectation. It was just a thrill that made me feel good. Is it the same for him?
  3. I don’t blame my boyfriend for denying that he flirts You might think I’m being too easy on him, but hear me out on this one. Whenever you call someone out and they don’t like it, what do they do? They defend themselves and deny their actions. That’s exactly what he does when it comes to flirting with other women. And to be honest, I kind of want him to deny it. If he immediately admitted that he flirts with other women on purpose, I feel like that would be so much worse.
  4. Just for the record: I didn’t imagine the whole thing The whispers in someone else’s ear, the physical touches, the jokes, the smiles, the glances, and those text messages. I saw them all, and they’re not just a figment of my imagination. But when someone tells you that what you know to be true is just a bunch of fake news, it’s maddening – figuratively and literally. It makes me feel like I’m actually losing my mind.
  5. His flirting makes me be mean to other women I don’t want to look at other women as though they were my contenders, and I don’t want to give them the cold shoulder. It feels unnatural and it’s exhausting. But I feel like I have to act this way for so many reasons. First of all, I feel like I have to be catty to let them know that I’m not okay with the whole situation. Secondly, I just want them to back off from my man. Finally, I don’t want him (or them!) to make a fool out of me.
  6. Because he’s flirted with other women, I’m super sensitive every time he’s around other women I don’t like being the psycho who over analyzes every little detail. And I don’t want to supervise everything he says and does when he’s with other ladies. I want to have fun, too. But because he’s flirted with other women, it’s getting harder for me to observe him objectively. I can say one thing’s for sure: I don’t see the world through rose-colored glasses anymore. I see the world in very black-and-white terms, and his behavior is sort of all or nothing to me, which I hate.
  7. Even if your flirting was “all in my head”, can you just not say that? Relationships need open communication and trust. So, it would be so much better if he hadn’t shot me down immediately when I brought up his flirting. Instead, it would have been nice if he’d said, “I’m sorry you think that, because I didn’t realize I was flirting at all.” Or, “I’m sorry you feel left out / betrayed / ignored.” Rather than these responses, he just told me that it was all a fantasy in my head. That’s an easy way to let yourself off the hook, isn’t it?
  8. When my boyfriend flirts with other ladies, it makes me feel unworthy and not good enough It’s bad enough that he tells me it’s all in my head. But what makes his escapades even worse is that it makes me feel worthless, insufficient and as if I have to compete with all the other beautiful women in his life. I don’t want to have to vie for his attention, but is that what it’s come down to?
  9. He might not admit that he’s flirting, but at least he knows I’m not naive I know his pride is probably at play here. And that’s why he doesn’t like to admit that he’s flirting, but I’m still glad I speak up and say something. I don’t want him to think that I’m some stupid waif who doesn’t realize what’s up. I see you.
  10. Even if he flirts with other women, I can play a better card By now, I’ve learned that the least attractive thing to a man is a woman who is needy, demanding and feels insecure about herself. What a drag. So, when he thinks it’s fun to flirt with another woman. Guess what? I think so, too, and I get to channel my inner Katharine Hepburn. In fact, I think it’s so banal that I can’t even be bothered with him (or her). I’m so nonplussed that it worries him sometimes. My reply? It’s all in your head, darling.
Audrey Bea uses her life-changing but difficult experiences with anorexia and depression as the catalyst and inspiration for her work. As a writer and illustrator, Audrey creates empowering content to help women love who they are, and overcome the widespread illness of fear.