Everyone wants to meet their soulmate, the one person that they will gladly wake up next to every day for the rest of their life. I believe in love but I think society has taken the obsession a little too far. My boyfriend and I aren’t in love with each other but we’re 100% happy.
Falling in and out of love is natural. For me, love is about a decision and a commitment. Being in love is about feelings. As things stand, I’m not in love with my boyfriend and haven’t been for a while. Feelings come and go—that’s part of life. Sometimes you feel close to someone and sometimes you don’t. I could fall in love with my boyfriend again or I might not. For me, it doesn’t matter. We’re happy. Oh, and for those of you wondering, my boyfriend and I have had this conversation. We both agree that we’re not in love but we want to keep going.
The more time you spend together, the more your love changes to something deeper. Many couples that have been together for decades talk about how love changes with time. It goes from a ‘butterflies in the stomach, wanting to be around each other every second’ thing, to something more profound. I think my boyfriend and I have crossed that threshold. I don’t get butterflies when he calls but my heart does warm when he comes home. That’s love, and it feels just as great if not better than the rollercoaster of emotions that being in love produces.
The most important part of being with someone is having a sense of camaraderie. Whether you’re in love or not, the most important thing is feeling that you’re doing life with someone. My boyfriend and I have that even though we don’t have all the tingly feelings. Every morning I wake up, I know I have someone in my corner. That’s all anyone wants. I’ve been through some tough times with the health of my family members and I’ll tell you right now, all that matters is having someone be there. The tingly feelings don’t help things go any more smoothly.
Friendship is the best foundation for any relationship. One of the best things about my relationship is that we’re great friends. Something about taking out the whole being in love part makes you look at a person for who they are. As a result, my boyfriend is one of the closest people to me. No woman on earth would say that she doesn’t need another best friend. Best friends care for you, cheer you up, and cheer you on all the time. My boyfriend is one of my best friends, we just have sex too. It’s perfect.
Sex with someone you care about is still great even though there’s no passion there. Speaking of sex, I want to burst one myth. Great sex doesn’t just come from overwhelming feelings that can’t be contained. My boyfriend and I have a fantastic sex life despite not being in love. Sex can be great on a physical level and we have mastered the art. It’s about fulfilling a desire and also showing that we care about each other. I’d bet we have more and better sex than your average couple because we’re so honest about what we want and need. Because of this, neither of us has a problem asking for it or providing it.
Not being in love allows us to challenge each other. Everyone says that they want a relationship which challenges them to grow, but most people are lying. When you’re in love, the idea of seeing the love of your life in any pain is upsetting. Because we’re not quite there, we’re a lot more open to speaking the truth. It’s all about helping the other person become better.
We can be ourselves around each other. The truth about falling in love is that you often have to fight to stay in love. Part of that involves making sure you spend a certain amount of time together. Other people even try to keep things in the bedroom spicy by making sure they dress or act a certain way. Because we’re not in love and not trying to be, my boyfriend and I can just be ourselves. There’s great freedom in that. If he doesn’t want to go out, I go by myself. I don’t have to worry about his feelings changing. Our love is a constant thing; being in love is not.
We’re not the center of each other’s worlds. This is another excellent point. When you’re in love, you have this irrational desire to be around the person you’re in love with. I think it’s cute but after a while, it gets to be too much. We’ve all seen couples that are never apart. Some people think its admirable but I think its a little overkill. There must be room for individuality. Not being in love gives you that room. After all, no one expects their best friend to spend every minute of the day with them. You understand that they’re an individual with their own life. The same goes for my boyfriend and me now that those feelings of clinginess are gone.
A relationship not built on fickle feelings last longer. I feel like our relationship will stand the test of time. It’s built on values, friendship, and a shared approach to life. Those are the kind of things that don’t change. Looks, personality, and libidos do.
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