My Boyfriend And I Don’t Take Our Phones On Dates And It’s Totally Changed Our Relationship

Recently, my guy and I decided to stop bringing our phones with us on dates as a challenge to see what it would be like. Not shockingly, we love it and it’s totally something we’re going to keep doing because of how it positively it’s impacted our time together. Here’s why and what’s happened.

  1. We’ve been forced to fill idle moments with silence and not habitual scrolls through a social media feed. Scrolling endlessly through Facebook and Instagram has gotten so commonplace for many people that the only purpose it serves is filling time during idle moments when nothing is going on. By leaving our devices at home, we’ve filled the time by talking, looking at each other, and observing the world immediately around us.
  2. Our focus is 100 percent on each other. It’s been really nice to sit across from him at a meal or walk with him while we are out and not have to answer a phone call or get a flurry of notifications from a smart phone. We’ve been able to just be with each other without any distractions.
  3. Our conversations are better. Since our focus isn’t broken by our phones, we’ve had much better conversations. We’ve gotten to dig deeper into topics about our day, about what’s happening in the world and how we feel about it all. It’s not that we never have these conversations—we do—it’s just that we don’t have to stop mid-sentence or respond to a message or notification. As a result, our convos are richer, fuller, and feel more complete.
  4. I’ve actually had the chance to get a good look at him for the first time in a long time. I’m so used to holding a phone up to myself and creating a barrier between our faces that I sometimes only catch glimpses of him. Without the phone, I get to really look at the guy whose face I love so much. It doesn’t seem like a big deal until you actually realize that you’ve been missing out.
  5. We’re more physically flirty than usual. Without a phone in our hands, we’re free to touch each other. Holding hands, lacing fingers, and all that. Those little gestures of affection are so underrated and are such a huge part of a healthy relationship and we’re taking part in them way more now that we don’t have our phones to distract us.
  6. Being connected all of the time is so exhausting. I’ve realized how exhausting it is to continuously be connected and plugged in all of the time. As your battery drains, so does your patience, your mind, your attitude. I can do without it, especially when I’m spending time with someone that I love.
  7. Not everyone needs to know about our dates together. I’m definitely a bit addicted to social media, and I’ve recently realized that some moments should just be kept to myself and in our relationship rather than exposed to a ton of people—especially in a time where information flows constantly, whether you ask for it or not. Rather than letting everyone know that we checked out this particular bar and got these particular drinks, it’s nice to just keep a few moments to ourselves and hide a little bit from the rest of the world. Privacy is totally underrated and we could all use a little more of it.
  8. I’ve realized how hard it is to be away from my tech for too long. Even though I love these phone-less, tech-less dates we’ve been having, I’m the first to admit that it’s not easy being away from my phone. It’s so natural to grab my phone first thing in the morning or log on to email or check social media that there were times at the beginning of our experiment that the instinctual urge to grab my phone out of my purse almost took over. I feel like doing this is helping to wean me from my phone and learn to rely on my voice and my ears as a means of communication rather than just my eyes and thumbs.
  9. Face to face communication and interpersonal skills are more important now than ever. Along the same lines, I’ve realized how easy it is to lose these skill sets. They’re important in so many areas of our lives, especially in relationships. I don’t think that being able to communicate face-to-face will ever go out of style even if tech and smart devices and social media continue to take over our lives. Quite frankly, it shouldn’t. At some point the phone dies, the servers shut down, and we’re forced to be with each face to face. It’s better to practice those skills as often as possible.
  10. It’s nice to get back to a phone full of messages and notifications too. I’m not going to lie—returning back to my phone when our dates are over sends me way too much gratification and positive reinforcements as I scroll through all of the messages and missed notifications I have. Yes, I know this is totally a problem, but I feel like Kylie Jenner for a hot second and it does make me feel a little bit cool.
Marie is an ambitious millennial woman, leading a corporate life by day and doing her best to live, laugh and love.
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