My Boyfriend Doesn’t Know About My Savings & I’m Not Telling Him

I’ve always prided myself on being financially independent, but the truth is that my current boyfriend doesn’t actually know just how healthy my bank account is. I’ve kept my savings a secret throughout our relationship, and even though we’re starting to get serious, I don’t plan on sharing that info anytime soon.

  1. What can I say? I’m good at saving. I don’t care about being wealthy, but I also don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck. I’ve been working since age 14 and have always saved at least half of each paycheck instead of spending it right away. While I do like to spend money on fun things, I also like to live frugally and am always on the lookout for good deals on the things I do need to buy in order to live. Saving up money is kind of second nature to me at this point, and I’ve saved up far more than most people my age. Am I going to show my boyfriend the numbers at any point in the near future? Nope. The way I see it, it’s my business and mine alone.
  2. Call me selfish, but it’s my money, not his. I’ve worked many long, hard hours to save up a lot of money and have also avoided buying a lot of things I want in order to maintain it. The way I see it, I’m the sole reason it’s there in the first place and therefore I alone should be the one who gets to decide what to do with it. I really don’t understand how so many couples share money or start thinking that their partner’s wallet might as well be their own.
  3. I’ve actually never liked the idea of couples sharing finances. I once worked with two people who were in a long-term relationship and shared a bank account. They were both very nice people, but the truth was that she was a much harder worker than he was, had a more high-ranking position, and often put in a lot more hours. The two of them had a lot of nice things and went on cool vacations and they’d often say they could afford it because “we had a good year” or “we got a good paycheck.” I’m sorry, but I just don’t know that I’ll ever feel that way when it comes to finances, especially when both of us aren’t contributing equally.
  4. I’ve had some bad experiences with previous boyfriends who found out how much money I have. My past two boyfriends both took serious advantage of the fact that I had saved up a lot of money, and before I knew it, I was paying for a lot of stuff that wasn’t my responsibility. I even let one of my exes borrow hundreds of dollars so he could buy a car and he never even tried to pay me back for it. The other ex was all too happy to let me pay for almost all of our dates, and he started getting all emotional and angry whenever I broached the subject of him helping out from time to time. I’d rather not go there again.
  5. It’s not that I don’t trust him, but… No, I don’t think my boyfriend is anything like my exes. He’s definitely way better than them in just about every way, but you know what? I’m not stupid. I know that sometimes we want to believe things so badly that we’ll do anything to convince ourselves of them. I’ve made the same mistakes multiple times in previous relationships simply because I believed the same negative outcome couldn’t possibly happen each time. But I know better now, and even though this is the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, I’m still not willing to just throw all caution to the wind.
  6. I don’t want to be judged based on my financial value. I really don’t think anyone should be judged for this. When it comes to relationships, I want to be seen for my other attributes and personality traits as opposed to the amount I have saved up in the bank. If I wanted a gold digger, I’d get one. I don’t, so why should finances—mine or his—be part of the conversation?
  7. I’d like him to be motivated on his own. Call me crazy, but I think people should be self-motivated and shouldn’t rely on others as a safety net as they go through life in the laziest way possible. I want my boyfriend to be his own person and go after his own dreams and goals. I’m worried that if he knew just how much money I have saved up, there’s still the slightest possibility that he’d use it as an excuse to not really do anything with his life. For me, that’s just not OK.
  8. I want us to be equalsMoney has a funny way of separating people and putting them into certain classes (literally and figuratively). I want no part of that BS. In fact, I don’t want my boyfriend to start seeing me any differently, and I also really don’t want him to start seeing himself as being on a lower level than me. I’m not saying that’s definitely going to happen if he finds out how much I have in my bank account, but I’m also not that naive to think that it definitely won’t. For now, it’s best to just keep my savings under wraps.
  9. Our relationship should be about building a life together, not building wealth. My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage, so yes, we’re serious. Still, I’m with him because of our common interests and the fact that I can see myself growing old with him, not because I think either of us will be rich one day or that we’ll be better off pooling our finances (again, I’m not even interested in doing that). Basically, I just don’t think the focus of our relationship should be about money, and I think it’s better for us in the meantime to just keep our bank accounts private and separate.
Brianna Gunter is an NYC-born Jersey girl now living in the Rocky Mountains. A graduate of The College of New Jersey's journalism program, her work has appeared in a multitude of publications both online and in print. When not writing about life as a millennial, she can be found hiking, hunting for pizza or making new dog friends.