My Boyfriend Lost His Job & I’m No Longer Attracted To Him

One of the best parts about my relationship with my boyfriend was the crazy chemistry we’ve always had both in and out of the bedroom. Unfortunately, when he lost his job, we lost that spark. I’ve always been a ride or die type of girl, but I don’t see how this can work when I’m no longer attracted to my boyfriend.

  1. He’s lost all confidence. My boyfriend isn’t the best looking guy and that’s OK—I’m over the superficial. The first thing that drew him to me was his confidence. He was the type of guy that commanded a room when he walked into it, so naturally, I gravitated toward him. Now that he’s no longer working, that charisma is gone. It was like his success was pumping him up and now that it’s gone, there isn’t much of a man left.
  2. He’s become uber sensitive. Where do I start? Everything I say has a double meaning now. A simple request to stop at the grocery store during the day turns into an accusation about how I think he has nothing to do all day. I’m tired of walking on eggshells and it’s really affected my desire to be around him.
  3. He hates doing anything that involves money. Now this, I understand. My boyfriend has always paid for everything. He insisted, and as a young woman building a business from the ground up, I agreed. But ever since he lost his job, he secretly shuts down every suggestion that involves an activity that requires money. I don’t mind staying at home, but I would love to get out of the house every once in a while. Even I’m getting tired of cuddling on the couch.
  4. He’s a total pessimist now. Before all this happened, my boyfriend was a dreamer. Having come from a poor background, he loved to encourage all of our friends to pursue their real passion. Now, he’s a first-class pessimist and it drives me up the wall. As someone trying to reach for her dreams, I purposely have to keep all conversation about what I’m doing away from him. My boyfriend’s always been my cheerleader, so it sucks that he’s now my number one doubter.
  5. He doesn’t put effort into his physical appearance. All the scenes in movies about guys turning into slobs when they lose their jobs are rooted in reality. My boyfriend never gets dressed anymore, even to visit his family. I understand that he’s a little depressed, but watching your guy wear the same sweatpants day in and out is a major turn off.
  6. He doesn’t surprise me anymore. My boyfriend was the type of guy that loved to keep things interesting. He did everything from sending me random flower deliveries (I’m not making that up) to coming home with my favorite take away. Now, I can’t even get a thoughtful text in the middle of the day. It’s making me wonder if he’s still in love with me.
  7. He never wants to hang out with our friends. As the life of the party and the successful one of our social circle, I can understand why my boyfriend doesn’t want to hang out with our friends all the time, but it’s getting to a place where he won’t even meet with our closest friends, the ones that would never judge him. I’m getting tired of making excuses for not showing up to things. I don’t want to have to dump our friends for him!
  8. He tells me I’m the only thing keeping him going. Some girls would find that line flattering, but not me. I don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s happiness and sanity. I can’t live with that kind of pressure. I don’t want to tell him how I feel about him putting so much pressure on me, and I hate how much I self-censor now.
  9. He demands a lot of my time and attention. With my boyfriend unable to socialize at work and choosing to stay away from friends, I’ve become his sole source of genuine human contact. Again, some women would love this, but not me. I haven’t seen my girlfriends in forever, and when I brought up a previous conversation about a girls’ trip, he flipped out. Why do I feel like a mother of an unstable child instead of a partner?
  10. He’s stopped trying. This is the worst part for me. The market is tough—I should know because I’m trying to launch a business—but my boyfriend has stopped applying for jobs. After the third straight month of rejection letters and unanswered emails, he just quit. Now, I’m not the type of girl that needs to date a wealthy guy, but I am the type of girl that has dreams of a fabulous life, and I want a partner to build and share that dream with me. With the way things are going, I don’t see us lasting to the end of the year, which is sad. Who knew so much of a man’s identity was based on his earning power?
Hannah is a twenty-something-year-old freelance writer, obsessed with reality TV, and all things sweet.