My Boyfriend Loves Extreme PDA & It’s Pushing Me Away

PDA can validate a relationship or even confirm where you stand in your partner’s life, and while I enjoy a little kiss here and there, my boyfriend always takes it way too far.

  1. He’ll literally whip out the PDA anytime, any place. My boyfriend and I have been together for years and he’s always been the touchy-feely type, so his love of PDA is nothing new. However, it seems like it went from gentle kisses on the forehead to attempting hickies on the train literally overnight. Butt rubs while strolling through the mall are his thing and he definitely makes it known. Regardless of where we are, there has to be some type of skin to skin contact happening and I’m beyond over it.
  2. The more people around, the more of a show. Crowds are his kryptonite. The more people around, the more explicit the act of PDA is. It doesn’t seem to bother him when people stare or even make sly remarks under their breaths. It got to the point where certain clothing items were not to be worn out since I knew they would make for big eyes and even busier hands. Avoiding dresses at the movies and no halter tops at the amusement park is a real thing for me.
  3. He doesn’t care how I feelI’ve had talks with him on several occasions to explain why I’d rather save more intimate interactions for more private settings. Initially, I was accused of not feeling as strongly about him as he does about me, which is absolute BS. Subtle loving interactions work just fine for me, so tongue thrashings wherever we go aren’t necessary. At first, things would simmer down for a bit and then he’d pick right back up again.
  4. My parents began to notice. My parents are no strangers to expressing their love to one another, so when they questioned my boyfriend’s “intensity,” I knew it wasn’t just me. Our PDA never reached its highest level around them, but some things should be off-limits. I don’t think any parent is jumping at the chance to watch their daughter make out with her boyfriend. Even the private conversation they had with him didn’t seem to help much and he circled it back to “the need to show love for their daughter” regardless of who was around.
  5. I’d rather just stay at home. I’ve started to avoid date night more and more, and that’s not a predicament any woman wants to be in. In reality, it’s less problematic to stay home—at least we’re behind closed doors. I know that if this issues isn’t solved, or at least toned down, my irritation will only continue to build.
  6. Our friends have become increasingly uncomfortable. “Can you guys try and not hump in front of us?” is a request I hear a lot. Everyone around us notices my boyfriend’s extreme PDA, and while some may see it as endearing, being known as “that” couple can easily cause a shift in your personal relationships, even if you’re not noticing at first. I’ve gotten a little too used to our invite being “forgotten” than I’d like to admit.
  7. We’ve been asked to leave several places. This includes restaurants, movie theatres, grocery stores, and even a ride at Disney World. I’m sure it was the hand up my skirt that did it (along with the gawking parents shielding their children’s eyes). It’s embarrassing and completely unnecessary.
  8. I hate being judged by people wherever we go. This only makes me feel more resentment. The fact that I know the stares and the burning eyes in the back of my head are not coming from a place of warmth but from a place of disgust and wondering what the heck is wrong with us. I can’t blame people—I’d probably think the same thing if I saw a couple mirroring our actions.
  9. He messes up my makeup. The eye rolls and my personal embarrassment is only half of it. Do you know how long it takes to do a full face of makeup, especially if you want it to look good? The intense kissing not only smears whatever lipstick I picked out for that day but also moves my foundation around, and that is no easy fix.
  10. I may look like I’m enjoying it but I’m really not. Of course I kiss back and rarely ever pull away (unless I’m having really bad menstrual cramps) so I’m sure I tend to give out the wrong impression of what’s really going on inside my head. The fact is, he’s the person I love the most so I do want to make him happy, but those feelings of respecting each other’s boundaries have to be reciprocated on both ends.
Ty Martin is a freelance writer specializing in women's health and relationships. She has written alongside many doctoral students during her undergraduate career, assisting in editing and research. Although she grew up in a small town just outside of Chicago, she's obsessed with everything New York and plans on living there one day soon.