We often see huge differences between our boyfriends and our close friendships. We differentiate between what we can do with our best friend that we never could with the guy in our life – debate the details of the latest Real Housewives fight, gossip over bright pink margaritas, talk about boys (of course). Of course you’re not going to be getting manicures with your boyfriend, but you should definitely consider him your best friend if your relationship is going to last. Here’s why:
Physical attraction is only the beginning. Sure, chemistry is super crucial and you can’t possibly have a proper relationship without actually being attracted to someone. You still need to actually have stuff in common with this person if it’s ever going to work out. If it’s all about sex, that’s not a real love connection, that’s just, well, sex.
He should be your #1 good news call (or text). If you finally get that promotion at work, the apartment of your dreams, or any other kind of awesome news, you should tell your boyfriend before you tell a friend or your mom or anyone else. If you’re always reaching for your iPhone to text someone other than him with whatever’s happening in your world, that’s not a great sign.
He should always make you feel better. And vice versa. That’s what best friends are for, right? They calm you down when life feels extra difficult, they make you see the good in others and the hope in the air. You expect this stuff from your good friends so why can’t you want the same from the guy you swear you couldn’t possibly live without?
You want to experience life together. You can’t just see your boyfriend on Saturday nights and not allow him to be a part of your daily routine. That’s basically a booty call, not commitment. If you want something real, cultivate a friendship with him. Go see the latest music doc that’s playing in your city, take a class together, travel.
Friendships take work. We all know that romantic relationships take tons of work. You have to make sure you’re meeting the other person’s needs emotionally and otherwise and always have to make sure you’re both on the same page about where things are going. Friendships take just as much work – just think about how long it can take to set up a lunch date with a friend. Our lives and calendars are nuts these days. If you think of your relationship like a friendship – one that needs constant attention and scheduling – it may not be super romantic but it’s logical.
Save Netflix for your weekends. Look, we all love Netflix. I think that’s been pretty much established by now. Since wouldn’t stay in and watch the latest Netflix show with a friend every single night of the week, don’t do that with your boyfriend. Make an effort to have some fun.
You never stop getting to know a friend. We never reach a point with a close friend when we think, okay, we know everything there is to know about this person and don’t have to ask any more questions. You can treat your boyfriend the same way by always wanting to know more about him. You’re always changing, right? He is, too.
You need compassion for each other. You care when a friend has an epic flu or just got fired. You should care just as much about everything that happens to your boyfriend, times a million. It’s all about being compassionate. This is something that’s usually lacking in a lot of couples that I’ve known over the years (and is usually why girls whine about their “annoying” boyfriends).
You’ll never complain about him. I hate when girls complain about their boyfriends. I always wonder, why are they even dating this guy if they hate him so much? If your boyfriend is your best friend, then you’ll never be guilty of this, and will appreciate him. Isn’t that what it’s all about?
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