Don’t get me wrong, my boyfriend is a gem and I can totally see him being the guy I marry someday. However, there are a couple of things that he needs training on before I can even think about him becoming my husband.
He needs to learn more about women. Sure, he may have had girlfriends in the past, but he didn’t seem to know much about the female sex before he met me. For instance, he didn’t know how much women like to talk about feelings. He also wasn’t aware of how we can be completely irrational around the time of the month because, you know, hormones. Essentially, until he’s super understanding regarding the ins and outs of female life, I’m afraid I can’t fully accept that he’s husband material.
We need to live together. As well as being a bit clueless about women before he met me, my BF had also never lived with a girl. Luckily, we’re currently in a long-distance situation where we have to live together frequently for short periods of time, like a month or two, so he’s learning what it’s like to live with a woman fast. Yes, he must tickle my legs after a hard day at work. No, I don’t want healthy snacks while I’m on my period—give me chocolate. And I’m totally OK with him playing his video games for half an hour if I can watch The Bachelorette afterward. Comprende?
We have to split chores 50/50. I’m fortunate that I’ve already got a guy who’s not afraid to take charge with domestic activities, but he also needs to learn that we have to split household chores down the middle if our future marriage is going to survive. I’m not one to sit on my butt and not do anything, but I also don’t want to be the one who does everything. Slowly but surely, we’re learning how to compromise and find a middle ground, but I need to feel confident that this is a permanent thing before I make our relationship permanent.
He has to learn to be more considerate. He’s not selfish as a person, but sometimes he can act selfishly. For example, there are times when we’ve made plans, I’m ready and he’s not, and he keeps making me wait for him even though he knows that it really winds me up. He has to learn that he’s not going to always get his own way now that I’m in the picture. He has to make sacrifices for the sake of my happiness as well as his. Relationships are all about give and take, and it’s all about getting the right balance right now.
We have to improve our communication skills. I say “we” because no one is a communication expert. We both struggle to say how we really feel sometimes, which is a big issue that we need to work on before we even think about marriage. He also needs to learn just how important and appreciated a little text message is throughout the day when we’re both apart. #JustSaying
He has to learn to include me in all his decisions. From arranging dinners with his family to sorting out what we’re having for breakfast on Saturday morning, my BF has to start including me in all his decisions before he becomes my fiance. After all, life won’t be just about him anymore when we’re married.
He has to make me a priority. I’m not saying that he should make me the center of his universe—that isn’t healthy and I wouldn’t ever want that. Rather, he needs to learn how to say no to a night of drinking with his friends so that he can cook me dinner and be there for me if I’ve received bad news or had a really difficult day. If he can’t prioritize me before he marries me, then I doubt that the marriage could ever last.
He needs to take care of us both. He’s already pretty good at taking care of me, which is lovely and much appreciated, but sometimes he can neglect himself in little ways. For example, sometimes he’ll binge drink when he suffers from anxiety, which only makes his anxiety worse. Likewise, he’ll skip having a shower for a couple of days or forget to exercise and feel sluggish. I understand that we’re all only human, we all make mistakes, and we’re all just doing the best that we can, but he needs to nip these bad habits in the bud now to prevent us from having future arguments as husband and wifey.
We need to learn more about each other. We already know a heck of a lot about each other and it’s only been two years. Can you imagine where we’re going to be in the years to come? We’re constantly learning more about each other every day and evolving as a couple, so we just need to keep on growing before we reach the engagement level. One thing’s for sure, I wouldn’t want to embark upon this journey with anyone else. It’s true what they say: when you know, you know, and it’s just about going through the motions until you arrive at your happily ever after.
Katie Davies – Katie is a freelance writer and blogger from England. In between cups of coffee, she has written for a number of businesses and publications on her three favorite subjects of fashion, travel and dating. She loves to use her personal knowledge and previous experiences to help others through her writing and blogs weekly at www.katiekat.co.uk or tweet her @kdavieswrites.
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