My Boyfriend Is So Needy & I’m Not Used To It

I never thought I’d see the day where I’d be in a relationship with someone who’s needier than I am, but here we are. My boyfriend is in my face 24/7 and it’s a little intense.

He wants and needs attention all the timeLook, I love attention as much as the next woman, but I don’t expect it all the live-long day. My BF, on the other hand? If I forget to reply to only one of his texts then I won’t just get double-texted, I’ll get triple or even quadruple texted. It’s driving me nuts.

He gets frustrated with me if I miss his callJust like his texts, I often genuinely miss my BF’s calls, particularly if I’m at work or with friends or my phone’s on silent and I didn’t hear it ring. It’s definitely not intentional, but woe betide me if I miss a call and don’t call back within half an hour. I can expect to see two or three texts asking me where I’ve been—and you know what? It’s not my fault that I’m busy sometimes.

He shares his feelings with me a little too much. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about sharing your feelings. I think open communication and honesty are extremely important in any relationship. However, there’s such a thing as over-sharing because it can cause unnecessary arguments. For example, I’m sorry that it makes him feel insecure every time I talk about Jared from work, but do we really need to have a confrontation about it every time? I wish he’d learn to kinda tone it down a bit.

He needs a lot of reassurance. Just like with Jared from work, there are instances where my BF needs a lot of reassurance due to his insecurities. He can be jealous if a guy so much as touches my arm when we’re bar-hopping with mutual friends and he freaks out if he sees an unknown number pop up on my phone. At times, I have to really try hard to get him to calm down and realize that he can trust me. I mean, I’ve never done anything for him to question me, so I kinda don’t get it.

He needs to be physically touched regularly. I’m not really a fan of PDA—never have been, never will. I don’t think you have to ram your love down the throats of other people for it to exist. However, my BF loves to hold hands in public. He can’t go for 10 minutes without wanting to be next to me or touch my knee or stroke my face. It goes without saying that it’s cute because it shows how much he loves me, but it’s just not me. It’s not what I’m used to.

This is brand new territory for me. All the guys I’ve dated in the past haven’t been remotely clingy. I’ve had to take control, I’ve had to chase them down, and they were so laid-back about life on a day-to-day basis that they were almost horizontal. It’s been an adjustment with my new BF to say the least.

I’m learning to compromise. Since we began our relationship, it’s been one big learning curve. I’ve realized that just because I’m the way I am doesn’t mean that other people are the same way in relationships. My previous BF was similar to me, which is why I originally thought that. However, I’ve noticed that compromise is the key to a successful relationship (along with love and patience).

I’m learning to be patient. Initially, I used to get annoyed with my BF every time he had one of these needy episodes. However, I’ve since learned that there’s always something going on under the surface with people. There’s always a reason why we act a certain way. For my BF, it’s self-doubt and insecurity that causes him to act clingy based on his previous failed relationships. 

All I can do is show him I’m different. To build his trust, security, and confidence, I just have to stick around long enough and carry on behaving the way I’m behaving. He has to realize that I’m not like his past girlfriends and I’m not going to hurt him—and I have to continue to be patient and kind so that our relationship can thrive.

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