My Boyfriend Never Actually Slept With Another Woman, But He Cheated On Me Throughout Our Relationship

When I’m in a relationship, I offer my partner complete and utter loyalty and I expect the same in return. Unfortunately, my last boyfriend wasn’t willing to give it. He may not have had sex with another woman, but he still betrayed me throughout our relationship by having a texting relationship with someone else.

  1. He was always on his phone. Although my boyfriend at the time rarely looked away from his phone screen, at first I didn’t think much of it. I mean, most people are glued to their phones, right? But then as time went on, it started to become a real problem for me. He totally checked out and started to use his phone at the most inappropriate times, like when we were having dinner or watching a movie. It was like he was present physically but his heart and mind were elsewhere. He’d get a silly smile on his face while texting whoever else and I’d be left alone.
  2. I still didn’t suspect cheating. Honestly, I thought the issue was that he was bored with me or something. I didn’t think he was cheating because he wasn’t really a people person. He didn’t hang out with lots of other people, which made me think there was no way he’d met someone else. This was faulty thinking on my part.
  3. Then there was a major red flag. One day we were driving to see some of my friends and his phone beeped with a new message. As the message came through, he suddenly turned the car into the gas station and mumbled something about needing to buy cigarettes. I found it odd. It just felt a bit too convenient, like he’d turned into the first place he could to check his phone. Still, I tried to tell myself I was overreacting.
  4. I should have trusted my gut. I wished I’d believed in my intuition a bit more because this guy was up to dodgy dealings. He took his phone with him everywhere, even to the bathroom, so I couldn’t look to see what he was up to. Even though I was always against snooping, I was feeling pretty helpless with his behavior. I tried to talk to him about his phone obsession but he always reassured me that he was just checking out his texts or chatting to his friends. Whatever.
  5. I saw a text by accident. One day we were chilling on the sofa watching a movie and he had his phone next to him as always, but as he reached for the bowl of popcorn, he accidentally made his phone slip off the couch. I reached for it and couldn’t help seeing the text that was on his screen. It said “Love you lots.” Uh, WHAT?
  6. I finally called him out. The confrontation I’d been trying to avoid now blew up. I demanded that he tell me who was texting him that and he tried to fumble through a lie, telling me that it was his cousin. I knew it was BS. I asked to check his phone but he claimed that he saw this as a violation of his privacy. How freaking convenient. I knew this was just his way of turning the spotlight off him and making me out to be the bad guy.
  7. I didn’t need to see the text. I realized that I didn’t actually have to beg him to show me his phone. It was clear that he was cheating on me even if he wasn’t actually seeing the person he was talking to so much. I knew that I had trust issues with this guy and that was reason enough to get out of the relationship. The problem wasn’t me, it was him.
  8. We were done. I told him that he had been on his phone all the time and I was done feeling like I wasn’t his priority. I was done sitting around with him on lousy dates when all he could do was exchange romantic texts with someone else. This was BS.
  9. Text cheating is just as bad as sex. Honestly, the whole experience hurt me just as much as when guys I’d been dating actually had sex with other women behind my back. It was such a betrayal of my trust and a waste of my time. If someone can’t put their phone away and resist the temptation of other people, then he doesn’t deserve to be with me, especially since I’m someone who makes the person I’m with a priority!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.