When I first met my boyfriend, I thought I had found the sweet and sensitive man that I’d been looking for all my life. He was courteous and so damn agreeable, I thought he was too good to be true. A few months into our relationship, I started to get irritated with him and I couldn’t put my finger on the problem. It took some time to realize, but I finally figured out that my boyfriend is just a total pushover.
I thought he was a just “yes man” at first. I’ve dated some seriously negative dudes in the past that always jumped at the chance to shoot me down. When my boyfriend and I started dating I couldn’t believe how similar we were. He always seemed to want to do what I wanted to do; it was like I could do no wrong. It turns out he wasn’t necessarily into everything I wanted to do, he just didn’t have the heart to say no.
I have to make all of the plans. Whenever I ask him what he wants to do next Friday or what we should cook for dinner, he always answers my question with the same question: “Well, what do YOU want to do?” At first, I didn’t mind. I can be a bit of a pushy person, so taking the reins in the relationship has never been an issue for me. Now that we’ve been dating for a while, making all the decisions is starting to get old.
He’s never spontaneous. The unknown has always excited me. I like going on vacations without an itinerary and trying out new places. My boyfriend tends to avoid spontaneity at all costs because he can’t predict the outcome. He likes situations to be comfortable and agreeable for everyone, which is nice, but not terribly exciting.
I never know if fights are actually resolved. I can be overly passionate about issues, so I’ve been known to start some seriously heated arguments. With my boyfriend, things are different. He’ll let me blow up or vent my problems, and then that’s it. He never fights back, and because of that, I never know if he feels resolve at the end of our arguments.
Things can get frustrating in the bedroom. I’m not shy about my needs in the bedroom. I’ve always figured, if I’m not vocal, I can’t complain about not getting what I want. Sex with my boyfriend is great, but that’s just my opinion. When I ask him if he wants me to do anything differently he always tells me everything is perfect. Sometimes I worry he’s just trying not to rock the boat and there are things I could be doing to make him happier.
I don’t think he’d stand up for me. I would never expect a man to “defend my honor” by punching another dude out at the bar, but I’m honestly not sure if my guy would stand up for me if the opportunity arose. He’d probably just grab my hand and tell me to walk away, which is the mature thing to do of course. I just wish he would be a little more assertive at times.
He doesn’t know how to say no to his parents. This one is rough, but hear me out. My boyfriend and I are both very close to our parents and have a great relationship with them. The thing is, as I grew older, I established boundaries with my parents. Although I live very close to them, I don’t see them every day, and I have certain priorities that I take care of before doing things for them. My boyfriend constantly drops everything to go over to his parents’ house to do the most menial tasks. He always complains about it when he gets home, but he never turns them down the next time it happens.
His vibe bothers my friends. At first, my girlfriends thought he was really nice, but a little too shy. The fact is, my girlfriends love sitting around and gossiping, and my boyfriend just doesn’t have much to add to the conversation. His aversion to stirring the pot can make him come off as holier than thou, and it tends to drive other people nuts.
His easygoing attitude can give off the wrong impression. My boyfriend is so easygoing that sometimes he comes across as spineless. I get so frustrated when he comes home from work complaining about yet another co-worker walking all over him or taking credit for something he did. I always tell him to stand up for himself, but he just forgives and forgets instead.
I don’t want to make big decisions alone. I can get past making all the day-to-day decisions, like what we should do over the weekend or what color throw pillows we should buy for our couch. Ultimately, those aren’t decisions that have serious consequences. My worry is that someday we’ll be faced with making a huge decisions like, how much to spend on our first home, and he won’t speak his mind. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me, but the fact that he is such a pushover is having a hugely negative effect on our relationship.
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