It was great he had time for me and made plans to see me regularly, but it sucked that he never wanted to text. What’s up with that, anyway?
At first I thought I was being petty. Did it really matter that the guy didn’t like to text me, or that many of my texts to him went unanswered? He was excited to meet up in real life all the time and we got on like a house on fire when we were together. That should have mattered more, right?
I couldn’t help it—it just felt wrong. The thing is, I really like having a relationship that’s filled with lots of different types of communication. There are the real-life chats that are awesome, but there are also the texting sessions that fill the gap when we’re not together in RL. Not having those with this guy felt like there was a giant hole in the pavement of our relationship.
I wanted more. I like being in touch with the guy I’m dating daily. That might seem like too much for some people, but it’s important for me. When I asked the guy why he never texted me, he said that he wasn’t big on it and didn’t really need it to be happy. Fine, but…
I didn’t buy it—who doesn’t like texting? I felt like he was lying to me, perhaps because he wasn’t as interested in our relationship as he seemed. Surely he’d want to text me when we didn’t see each other during the week because of our busy schedules? Surely he’d miss me enough to want to have a chat on days we couldn’t meet up?
I felt like he didn’t miss me when we weren’t together. Seriously, the guy could go for days without talking to me or even sending one measly text to see how I was. I felt like I was being cheated out of a real, committed, and full relationship. I even started wondering if he was thinking about breaking up with me.
Once we went for two weeks without contact. We’d made plans for the weekends but he didn’t send me a text for the entire weeks leading up to them. It felt like we weren’t even dating. It was like we were just hanging out and then didn’t know each other the rest of the time. SMH.
This started to affect our time together. I found myself battling to enjoy dates because we weren’t talking in-between them. It was like we were together in one sense but ultimately living separate lives and I didn’t like it one bit.
We didn’t have textual chemistry. Although we got along great in RL, it was a problem that we had different texting habits. I realized just how important it is to feel that I’m on the same page with the guy I’m dating when it comes to texting. We had completely different ideas about how important this form of communication is. Clearly he was cool with never doing it whereas I needed it and it was causing a problem for us.
Our relationship started to lack some emotional depth. As great as it is to chat in person, sometimes things happen in life that require a heartfelt texting session. I’ve also found that there are times when chatting via text can provide great emotional depth—just think of the things that are easier to say via text than in person! We were lacking all of those things and I was starting to feel like I didn’t really know the guy as well as I could’ve if we had a texting relationship.
He kept himself at a distance. It felt like he was keeping himself at arm’s length from me when it came to our emotional bond. He said that was BS because he believed that we were as close as ever and texting each other wouldn’t change that. But I disagreed.
Texting is a way to bond. It’s not the only way to bond in romantic relationships, of course, but it’s definitely an important way. Those chats before bedtime make me feel like my BF and I are connecting. Similarly, those early-morning texts boost my mood and make me feel loved. It’s those little romantic and affectionate things that make a big difference in feeling closer to my partner. We were totally missing out on those things.
I wanted him to want to text me. Although he’d said he wasn’t big on texting, I saw it as a sign that he was being lazy in our relationship. He might not have been lying about it, but I wanted him to go the extra mile. I wanted him to make an effort with me, not just to make me happy but because he really couldn’t bear the idea of not chatting to me when we weren’t in the same place. But he always made me feel like I was asking for too much with this. Ugh.
No texting is a deal breaker for me. Since that relationship, I’ve made “no texting” one of my relationship deal breakers. It’s not that I have huge expectations for guys that I date. I just want to find someone who wants the same things that I do, and regular texting is one of them. That’s as simple as it is and gosh, I damn well deserve to have it!
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