Whether you’re chronically single or you’re the serial monogamist type, making it official with a new guy is exciting. You probably spend a lot of time with him at first because you can’t get enough of each other, but you still need your own separate life that has nothing to do with him. There’s plenty more to live for than your boyfriend, so why not act like it?
- You existed before you met him. It’s sweet that you’re so important to each other and you should feel lucky you found love, but at the same time, you’re still an individual person with your own needs that have nothing to do with him. What was your day-to-day life like before him? What did you love to do, how did you spend your time? If you’ve dropped everything you once knew for the sake of a guy, there’s a serious problem.
- You still need separate interests. It’s always nice to date someone who will go hiking with you or who’s also a huge foodie, but it’s also more than fine if you two have some completely different interests and hobbies. You don’t need him to come to your book club with you, and he certainly doesn’t need you to join his dodgeball league. It’s good to spend some time apart because if you don’t, you run the risk of getting really sick of each other. Plus, you’ll never have anything to talk about since you spend literally 24/7 together.
- He probably doesn’t want you to drop everything for him. Any guy worth dating wants a girl who has her own life and priorities that don’t revolve around him. If he actually expects you to be at his beck and call then you might want to think twice about your relationship because that’s bordering on controlling and creepy.
- You’ll become a boring girlfriend. If you only ever do what he wants to do, you’re going to become pretty predictable and therefore kind of boring. Guys like to try new things and be challenged, so if you want to keep your relationship fresh and interesting, giving up your whole life in favor of his is definitely the wrong choice.
- You should never need a guy to be happy. Being super dependent on him is only setting yourself up for disaster. If you’re only happy when you have a guy around, you’re probably sweeping other issues, like the fact that you hate your job or your relationship with your sister is deteriorating, under the rug. You’re using him as a distraction from all the other negative things in your life instead of working on making things better.
- You have to put effort into other relationships. Your relationship with him isn’t the only one that matters. You also have your friends, family and co-workers to think about. If you want to keep any of them around, that is. Always makes time for the important people in your life or they might not be around when you need them the most.
- What happens if you break up? A breakup is never easy, but it sure as hell helps if you have a few things and people to distract you from all the feelings. Not to mention actually going through with a breakup, even if you know it has to be done, will be a lot more difficult if you know your future holds a lot of lonely evenings eating ice cream by yourself.
- Sometimes you need an outside perspective. As human beings, it’s important for our emotional and psychological well-being to be able to talk out our feelings every once in a while. Even if you just need to rant about something your boyfriend is doing that’s driving you crazy, you have to let it out. If you have no friends to commiserate with, happy hour is going to be pretty lonely.
- You’re way more than just his girlfriend. If you had to describe yourself, would you be able to think of anything significant to report other than your relationship status? Do you have goals that he isn’t a part of? Do you have friendships that will be there whether he is or not? You probably do, and you should be putting in the time to nurture those parts of yourself too because they matter just as much.
- Balance is the key to happiness. The happiest people are the ones who spend proportionate amounts of time on the things that matter the most to them: career, family, friends, love. Everyone is different, but you have to find the balance that works the best for you. It may be a struggle sometimes, but that’s life and it’s definitely worth the effort.
