My boyfriend and I are very happy together and have a very stable relationship. That’s why, while it may seem crazy, I’m actually fine with the fact that he lies about some things.
I’d rather know when he’s lying than think he’s telling the truth. The last thing I want is to be caught off guard by something. Everyone lies at some point in their life, and I’m grateful I know my boyfriend well enough to know exactly when he’s telling the truth and when he isn’t. I’d so much rather date a bad liar than a good one.
Everyone needs their own privacy, even in a committed relationship. I’ve always been a very private person and I respect other people’s space as well. Some things are personal or simply not relevant to anyone else, and I don’t feel the need to know all those things about my boyfriend. I would never want to be with someone who felt entitled to know every last detail of my life. My boyfriend needs space to have his own life just as I do, and I’m so relieved we both understand that about each other.
I know he’s truthful about the important stuff. If I thought my boyfriend was a good enough liar to hide an affair or something major that revealed something about him I wouldn’t like or would hurt me, I wouldn’t still be with him. But I trust his conscience and happen to be very good at seeing straight through him. He has never failed to tell the truth on things that really matter.
I’m not 100% honest with him all the time either. For the sake of transparency, it’s only fair to acknowledge that I have my secrets too. I don’t tell my boyfriend everything that goes on in my life. In fact, sometimes I’ll lie to him about small things that, in the grand scheme of things, don’t make any difference. The important thing is to be able to distinguish between the things that are OK to lie about and the things that really need to be put on the table.
White lies can keep a relationship going. It may be counter-intuitive, but lies can actually help your relationship thrive. Sometimes lying is more compassionate than truth. If your partner asks how they look and they’re not looking amazing, telling them the truth would be hurtful and cruel. Saying, “You look great, honey!” may be a lie, but it requires very little energy, has no consequences, and is much kinder.
We have honest conversations about the stuff that matters. In the end, my boyfriend and I are always open about the things that really count. If something isn’t sitting right, we talk about it. If I’m worried that he isn’t being truthful about something that really affects me, I call him on it, and to his credit, he’s always been very transparent about those things whenever they come up, just as I am with him.
I have realistic expectations about relationships. No one is perfect and I don’t expect my boyfriend to be. He accepts me for all my imperfections and I’m more than happy to accept him for his. I have high standards for him as a partner, and he far exceeds my wildest expectations in everything I really care about. Just because he occasionally lies about little things doesn’t mean our relationship isn’t healthy.
You can never know everything about your partner. Everyone needs to come to terms with the fact that they’ll never fully know the person they’re with, even if they’re together for 60 years or more. No one is completely knowable, and I’m OK with that. I don’t want my boyfriend to know every last detail about me either.
Complexity is attractive. Even if it was possible to know every last detail about my boyfriend, I wouldn’t want to. I love being surprised by new revelations about the people I love. If I knew everything about my boyfriend, I’d be bored to death. The more complex the person, the more interesting your lives together will be.
It works for us. Every relationship has a different dynamic, and while it’s really easy to look at someone else’s situation and think you understand it, relationships are complicated and unknowable to anyone who isn’t a part of them. At face value, it sounds crazy that anyone would ever be OK with their partner lying about things, but it works for my boyfriend and me, and that’s really all that matters.