I’ve always had the desire to nurture my S.O., but I found out the hard way that there’s a thin line between nurturing and mothering my partner. He was looking for something in me that he was lacking in the relationship he had with his real mom, and I gladly took on the role until I realized I was in too deep and our relationship was screwed. Here’s how acting like his mother instead of his girlfriend changed everything:
It Killed the Romance. Every ounce of romance was sucked dry from our relationship the second he started treating me like his mom. It was almost impossible for me to get turned on by someone who I had just reprimanded for forgetting to take out the garbage. Before I knew it, it felt like I was living with a roommate rather than living with someone I was in love with. The romance had left long ago, and it never returned.
I Hated Making Every Decision. For every little thing in his life, he had to run his decision by me first, and it became annoying. I loved that he valued my opinion, and he really took my advice into consideration, but when it felt like he was asking my permission to make any small move in his life is when I knew the relationship was dead.
It Caused Resentment. I felt like I was always caring for him or commanding him to do things, and he felt like he was being bossed around. This led to irritation on both ends.
Nagging Became Exhausting. Everything became a power struggle, with me constantly nagging and him constantly pushing back. The relationship became exhausting, and I felt like I was stuck in a never-ending cycle of drama.
It Changed the Relationship’s Dynamics. In the early stages of our relationship, he took the lead and did everything I loved and expected from an S.O., but as our roles changed, the dynamics completely flipped. He went from being macho, confident, and self-assured to acting like a rebellious teenager who made my life a living hell.
I Was Always the One to Blame. Since I was guiding him in every decision he made, when things didn’t go as planned, it was always my fault — according to him at least. Having him get upset and blame me for everything that went wrong in his life sent our relationship into a downward spiral.
It Sucked the Fun Out of Everything. The carefree and easygoing nature of our relationship drastically changed once he started treating me like his mother. Whenever we would go out to eat, our dinner dates usually turned into me nagging him about anything and everything, from his choice of outfit to his bad manners at the dinner table. We could never just relax and enjoy each other’s company.
It Led to More Arguments. When he started to treat me like his mom instead of his girlfriend, it caused us to argue non-stop. We were both completely fed up with each other. Whenever he would refuse to do anything I asked, it would lead to an argument. We never had the chance to resolve any of our issues, so the problems started to pile on top of each other until we both finally got fed up with our dysfunctional relationship.
I Realized I Was Raising a Manchild. The moment I realized I was actually raising a grown man was the moment I knew our relationship was doomed. In the middle of our arguments, I would voice my disgust by telling him he was “acting like a child,” but that didn’t make things any better. It only pushed us further away from each other.
We Were Never Truly Happy. We may have been happy at the beginning, but it all seems fake in reflection. We were never truly content with each other; we just became lazy and complacent with our newfound roles in the relationship. As much as he hated feeling like a child, I hated treating him like one, too, but we were way too far down the rabbit hole to fix things and make everything right.
We Knew It Wouldn’t Last. It got to the point where we would look into each other’s eyes and know that the end was coming. We were biding our time in this messed-up mother-child relationship until I finally got the courage to pull the plug. There may be women out there who have successful relationships with a partner they have to mother, but for me, I knew I couldn’t live that way forever.
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