I’ve dated some toxic guys over the years, but one of the worst was the ex who told me he was going to buy me a boob job for my birthday. What the hell?
Things had been great between us up until that point. At that point, we’d been happily dating for six months and he was actually a really good boyfriend. Of course, just like any couple, we had a few ups and downs, but our relationship was solid (or so I thought) and I truly felt like he really liked me.
It wasn’t the kind of birthday gift I had in mind. One day, we were chilling together and talking about my upcoming birthday. I was hoping he was going to surprise me with an awesome book I’d seen in the bookstore and pointed out to him, but instead, he said that he wanted to buy me a boob job. I was so shocked and I was sure I’d misheard him.
My vision went red and I immediately got up and left the room. He smiled and acted like he was doing me a favor by suggesting this “gift.” To be honest, I wanted to punch him—and I’m not a violent person. He chased me when I walked away and he tried to explain, but I wasn’t having it. He claimed he was just doing something good for me because it would boost my self-confidence. WTF? Who was this guy?
Admittedly, I had low self-confidence. Having my boyfriend point out my problems actually hurt because I didn’t realize my lack of self-confidence was on show for everyone to see. I didn’t feel that great about myself and I didn’t like my body, but I didn’t need someone who supposedly cared about me rubbing it in my face.
My self-confidence had affected my relationship. I wasn’t always comfortable being naked. I didn’t really feel good about letting my boyfriend see my body. He knew I had issues with my breasts—I always hated how small they were—but that didn’t mean he could suggest something like breast implants! How could he not get that?
He didn’t see how inappropriate it was. To him, it was pretty logical: I didn’t like my boobs so to make me feel better, he’d buy me implants. Wow, what an amazing boyfriend. Gee, how lucky was I? In reality, I wasn’t flattered at all. In fact, instead of making me feel better about myself, it made me feel much, much worse. He didn’t seem to get why or even care.
He made me feel like there was something wrong with me. After all the times my boyfriend had told me not to worry about my breasts, that he loved me for who I was and that I was perfect in his eyes, now I was getting the real truth out of him. He didn’t like me for me—he only liked me because I was a work in progress in his eyes. This caused my self-esteem to take a major dive. I know it shouldn’t have mattered what he thought, but I couldn’t help feeling bad. Our whole relationship felt like a lie.
I’m ashamed to admit that I actually considered it. For a few days, I really thought hard about what he was suggesting. I tried to see it from his practical viewpoint. Maybe a boob job would help me feel better about myself. It would boost my self-confidence and be good for the health of our relationship, right?
Those feelings didn’t last long. Sooner or later, I snapped out of those ridiculous thoughts. I didn’t want to go under the knife to be what someone expected me to be. I didn’t like everything about my body, that was true, but that didn’t mean I wanted to get a different one. I wish my stupid ex had tried to understand that!
I needed support, not someone who reinforces society’s ridiculous ideals. There’s nothing wrong with getting a boob job, but it’s just not for me. I want to be with someone who respects me and genuinely loves me just the way I am. The only way a boob job would’ve been seen as an acceptable birthday present was if I’d told my ex that that’s what I wanted. It’s never acceptable in my books for my partner to suggest things I should do with my body, whether it’s my hairstyle, weight, boobs, or anything else. My body is MY temple, nobody else’s, and no one else has a say in how it looks.
The only thing I cut was my boyfriend out of my life. I wasn’t going under the knife anytime soon, but my boyfriend was in need of a good old kick to the curb. It boosted my self-confidence more than any cosmetic surgery could ever achieve.
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