My Boyfriend & I Tried Having A Threesome & It Almost Destroyed Us

Threesomes are no longer the sexually scandalous idea they once were, and many modern couples find themselves wanting to test the waters of welcoming someone new into their bedrooms, if only for a night. My boyfriend really wanted to try it and I wanted to help him live his fantasy, but it turned out to be one of the worst experiences ever.

It started when I confessed I was open to the idea. 

I’ve never been a prude when it comes to my sexuality, so when my boyfriend of a year asked what I thought about three-ways, I told him the truth: I’ve always been curious about the idea and I was potentially open to trying one in the future.

I didn’t think he’d take me so seriously.

For me, “in the future” meant like another six months to a year into our relationship, with plenty of discussions and planning in between. For him, it meant the following week, after having run the idea by a bisexual acquaintance of ours. I would find out in his dorm room soon after our initial conversation that he’d mentioned our curiosity to our friend — let’s call her Heather — and she’d offered to experiment with us.

At first, I was kind of freaked that this was moving so fast.

I mean, it had only been a week or so since I’d admitted to a vague curiosity and there we were, one Facebook message away from arranging a three-way. To his credit, my boyfriend was very attuned to my hesitation. He stopped talking to Heather immediately and asked how I felt about this happening so quickly.

Maybe I should have told him I was nervous, but I wanted to be spontaneous.

 Yeah, we’d been dating for a year, but our sex life was just starting to become “predictable” and I wanted to contribute to spicing it up a bit. I confessed that this was faster than I imagined, but when he asked if I wanted to put a kibosh on the whole thing, I told him no. If not now, when? I thought, having no idea how misguided our impulsiveness truly was.

He sent the confirmation message, telling Heather we were in. 

She promptly told us she’d be at my dorm (which was empty that night) in 20 minutes. While we cleaned my room, we discussed my one big rule: he and Heather were not to have penetrative sex. He whole-heartedly agreed. We definitely weren’t there yet, we decided. In my mind, I was viewing this as a test to see how into this fantasy I truly was, so full-on sex was out of the question.

Heather arrived and we made some awkward small talk as we made our way to my bed. 

We started off playing a game of dirty Truth or Dare to help us ease into physically touching one another. I would dare Heather and my boyfriend to make out, then he would dare Heather to touch my chest. Things progressed like this until we were full-on, shirts off, hooking up. However, there was something distinctly off about the whole vibe.

There was a definite sense that Heather just wanted to fool around with me, not my boyfriend. 

Trying to roll with it, I allowed her to kiss and touch me in various places while I tried my hardest to get my boyfriend involved. At first, it seemed like a harmless oversight, but about 15 minutes in, when my boyfriend hadn’t been touched since our naughty game, it was crystal clear: Heather was there for me, not both of us.

My boyfriend was starting to look visibly annoyed, upset even. 

None of my attempts to rope him into the fold were working and it very quickly became a pattern of me kissing Heather while she touched me, and then me kissing my boyfriend while he touched me. Needless to say, this stopped being sexy and got awkward mighty fast.

Finally, things just kind of stopped.

 Heather offered to take things with me a step further (I think she was implying oral sex, something I personally wasn’t ready for), but that couldn’t salvage the moment. Only 20 minutes after our sexy game, we were all sitting on the bed in silence. Eventually, Heather politely ducked out, leaving my boyfriend and I to sit in what felt like a vortex of unshakable awkwardness.

When the silence finally broke, my boyfriend confessed how disappointed he felt.

Yes, he had been entirely left out and that felt like a letdown, but that wasn’t even it. His biggest concern was the fact that I had a bad time — worse, that he had put me in an uncomfortable situation. He apologized profusely, insisting that he thought (since we were both on board) that is would be so hot for everyone involved. That was definitely not how it went down, and he was pretty embarrassed about it.

I wasn’t mad.

I felt guilty that I’d played along when I knew in my gut that I wasn’t 100 percent into it, but I wasn’t willing to let this situation ruin the good thing we had going. I knew we had to talk it out and being the guy that he is, my boyfriend agreed. So we did.

We stayed up all night talking about what we were thinking and feeling.

By the time we woke up in the morning, the weight of this incredibly awkward situation had been magically lifted. Now, more than anything, it’s a funny thing we had tried and failed at. It’s our own secret little inside joke, and truth be told, it brought us closer together.

That was one of the defining moments in our relationship.

We took a rushed, misjudged, uncomfortable situation that might have broke some couples up and we turned it into an opportunity. To this day (because, yes, we’re still together), open communication is a pillar of our relationship.

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