I was perfectly happy in my relationship until my boyfriend started to casually criticize the fact that shaving every day is not my number one priority. I was shocked at first but didn’t hesitate in dumping him on the spot—here’s why.
It’s a double standard. My boyfriend doesn’t worry all that much about his appearance, which is something I really liked about him. But how is it OK for him to be ambivalent about his grooming habits while criticizing me for doing the same? Even if I wanted to shave every day, it would still be incredibly offensive for him ask that of me while he treats showering, let alone shaving, as optional for him.
There’s a lot more to a relationship than pubic hair. It’s odd to me that he would bring it up in the first place. What I do with my body is entirely my business and if he actually wanted a committed relationship with me, he’d know that. In the grand scheme of a long-term partnership, the consistency of your partner’s shaving really shouldn’t be an issue.
Anyone that materialistic shouldn’t expect to date a real person. Like anyone, I have flaws, but I would never count my grooming habits among them. Apparently he wanted to date a Barbie with zero personality or independence who only thought about how to make him happy. No one that shallow is worth my time.
It’s not how I want to spend my time, thank you very much. Shaving takes forever, especially when we’re expected to shave our entire bodies. Guys have no idea how long it takes. All they’re expected to do is take care of their facial hair, and even the guys who don’t do that are considered well-groomed. I have a busy life. I enjoy it. Why would I spend 30 minutes of every single day laboring to make myself hairless when I really couldn’t care less?
He should feel lucky to be having sex with me in the first place. Allowing someone to be intimate enough to have sex with you is no small thing, and no matter how casual the interaction, it shouldn’t be taken lightly. I expect any guy I sleep with to have a sufficient understanding of how lucky he is to be that physically close to me, just as I approach his body with the amount of respect he deserves. For my boyfriend to gripe about the amount of pubic hair I have is not only insulting, it reveals a level of cluelessness that I can’t live with in a partner.
Relationships are supposed to be where you’re most comfortable, not where you have to pretend to be perfect all the time. There is so much pressure on women to look a certain way. Relationships should be the place you feel the safest, where you can be your messy self, beautiful because you’re you, not a place where you’re criticized for being those things. I have no room in my life for a partner who expects me to look like a Photoshopped lingerie ad. I prefer my real self.
It’s my choice what I do with my body hair. No one, not even my boyfriend, gets to tell me what to do with any part of my appearance. As long as I’m not hurting anyone, I get to choose what I do, body hair included. The fact that my boyfriend thought it was okay to casually tell me that he thought I should shave every day was so out of touch with acceptable behavior that I almost felt sorry for him.
The history of women shaving is pretty depressing and I have no desire to be a part of it. The misogynistic expectation for women to remove their body hair can be traced all the way back to the Roman Empire, and it hasn’t gotten much better since. While men enjoy complete freedom to grow hair from every area of their bodies, women continue to face contempt and even abuse when they refuse to shave.
Changing my body for a man is the last thing I want to do with my life. I have better things to than conform to sexist norms of femininity. If there’s one thing I have zero interest in, it’s allowing a man to dictate my life. The minute a guy tries to direct my life and what I do with my body, I’m out, no negotiation. I’ll use my body how I want to use it, and choose exactly how I want to present it to the world.
I realized I was way out of his league. Any man who thinks he can improve me by giving advice on how to change my appearance is clearly unworthy of me. If there’s anything women should know, it’s that they are perfect as they are and no man can change that. By telling me I should shave every day, my boyfriend did me a huge favor. He made his inferiority and my wisdom in breaking up with him blatantly obvious.
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