My Boyfriend Says He Doesn’t Care How I Look But I Know That’s BS

My boyfriend tries to convince me that he loves me for my mind and heart, which is sweet, but I know for a fact that he cares a lot more about my boobs and butt. Nice try, babe.

  1. I feel like he’s just saying that to be politically correct. These days, it’s thankfully becoming taboo to ogle at women or even comment on their appearance. I have a feeling that my boyfriend’s been feeling pressure to be a “good guy” and not one of those slimeballs that have been outed all over the news as being misogynists and sexual predators. He’s trying to “behave” but I know deep down that he still values me for my looks.
  2. He’s easily distracted. Yet another piece of proof that he only cares about looks. I could be talking about something serious or thought-provoking, but if I’m wearing a low-cut top, he’s not listening. I also find it painstakingly easy to get him to do stuff if I just show him a little skin. I feel like most men are hardwired to be this simplistic and they can’t help it, but it does kinda prove my point…
  3. All of his past girlfriends were makeup addicts. He seems like the kind of guy who likes girls who are polished and put together. I’m not really one of those girls. I tend to prefer little to no makeup and casual clothes, so it’s confusing as to why he’s with me in many ways. Judging by his past, he likes the hardcore beauty queens, and whenever he says stuff like “looks really don’t matter to [him],” I just have to roll my eyes.
  4. He flirts with everything that moves. When we’re out, I see his eyes constantly darting, getting distracted by any leggy lady who walks by. I hear that guys tend to be more visually motivated than women and he’s no exception (even though he likes to think that he is).
  5. He comments on my body constantly. He’s not a jerk about it, but he’ll often say things like that I look thinner or my boobs look bigger on any given day. It kinda makes me insecure because then I start wondering if that’s what he wants and then I stress over making sure I stay at that weight.
  6. He has plenty of opinions on what I should wear. I’ve never had a boyfriend who’s so opinionated when it comes to what I’m wearing. I don’t even ask him for an opinion, he just pipes up with random comments, like that I shouldn’t wear baggy pants because they make my butt look flat. He’ll also go so far as to tell me how to shave my legs. To me, that’s the ultimate in shallow behavior.
  7. He judges my friends on their appearance. He’ll even go so far as to put my friends in categories based on their appearance. He’ll just straight up say that one of my friends has put on weight and I’m just thinking, “Yeah, so what?” Looks are important to him; for me, they’re not even worth bringing up. What happened to inner beauty being the most important thing?
  8. It’s kinda stupid because he’s not that attractive himself. I guess this would all be OK (or at least a little more understandable?) if he was a looker, but he’s not. He’s chubby with a pasty complexion. I’m not sure how someone so average looking can care so much about looks. He tries to pretend that he’s a humble guy but based on his behavior, he’s as shallow as they come.
  9. He has this idea that “good guys” don’t care about that sort of thing. I think he’s heard somewhere down the line that guys aren’t supposed to care about looks so he assures me that he loves me for my personality, but I’m not convinced. I can just tell he’s not being sincere.
  10. I’m afraid that he’ll randomly stop being attracted to me. I actually hate it when he talks about my looks because it’s just a reminder that I’d better stay attractive or else he might leave me. If a woman comments on a guy’s appearance, it’s not that big of a deal because typically, women are attracted to men for their level of success. Men, on the other hand, seem to only want to be with good-looking women. If you’re young and hot, it’s great, but as you creep up there in age, it’s a little worrying when that’s the only thing your boyfriend seems to care about.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.