My boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend and I had never met in real life, so when she sent me a Facebook friend request, I couldn’t figure out what she was up to. Was she just trying to stay up-to-date with what was going on in his romantic life? Was she looking for dirt on me to sabotage our relationship? Here’s what happened.
I’d heard plenty of stories about her.
Even though I’d never met her in person, I had heard stories about her from my boyfriend. Not one to call his exes “crazy,” he did however tell me that she was clingy. That made it even weirder when she sent me a friend request on Facebook. What did she want from me?
She sent me a friend request without a message attached.
She looked like a model in her pic, which made me feel a bit uneasy. She was blonde, blue-eyed, and posing for the camera like she was in a professional photoshoot. The funny thing is, at the time I had no idea who she was. I didn’t know she was my boyfriend’s ex because I’d never seen pics of her and I hadn’t had the time to Google-stalk his exes to find out what they were like.
I asked if I knew her.
Why would she have sent me a friend request unless we knew each other in some way? That is, of course, unless her profile was fake. Although it didn’t seem like it was. I saw she posted things regularly and had real friends who commented on her posts.
She said we had a friend in common – my boyfriend.
Finally, after two days, she replied. She said my boyfriend was her friend, just not on Facebook. Um, okay. When I asked my boyfriend about her, he told me she was actually his ex. Okay, so now the plot thickened. Why would his ex be adding me as a friend?
I added her out of politeness.
I really didn’t want to add her on Facebook, but my boyfriend said that she was “harmless” so it wouldn’t hurt. Right. I didn’t want to look like I was dissing her or that I was jealous of my boyfriend’s exes, so I accepted her request and we became “friends.” I really should’ve listened to my gut and avoided her request, though.
My “nice girl” act backfired.
Soon, my boyfriend’s ex started making me feel uneasy about our so-called online friendship. She was “liking” all my posts, but then she’d be totally silent when I posted pictures of myself with my boyfriend. I noticed, however, she friended my boyfriend and was very active on his profile, “liking” what he posted and commenting on random things.
She then got personal.
“Liking” his Facebook posts clearly wasn’t enough. She then DM’d him. They started chatting regularly and it made me feel like she was moving into our relationship, trying to get in the way of our love. Luckily, he was honest enough to tell me about it, which was the most important thing. Still, I didn’t like what she was doing and I was trying not to assume the worst. I just couldn’t shake the bad feeling in my gut.
She then started posting things about them together.
What she posted about herself and my ex was usually regurgitated “memories” on Facebook, but still, it made me wonder why she was feeling so nostalgic. Did she want him back? It was certainly starting to seem that way. I couldn’t ignore my bad feelings anymore. This woman wasn’t being friendly. She had a not-so-hidden agenda.
She only added me to hurt me.
I realized that she’d added me because she wanted me to see that she and my boyfriend had a history together and she wanted to cause drama in my relationship with her ex. Well, guess what? It was working.
My boyfriend and I started fighting.
While our relationship had been pretty peaceful until that dreaded FB friend request came along, now my boyfriend and I were always at each other’s throats constantly. He was always saying that she didn’t want him back and she wasn’t malicious, and I was arguing otherwise. She certainly wasn’t harmless. He’d called her harmless in the beginning, but now it was clear that she was out to hurt us.
I deleted and blocked her.
One morning, I logged onto Facebook and saw her posting yet another memory of her and him together on a beach somewhere, dated three years ago. His ex needed to move on! She had to get out of our lives. It was inappropriate for her to be doing this when it was a clear that her ex had moved on with someone else. I deleted her (as well as blocked her for good measure).
She asked my boyfriend why.
She actually had the nerve to contact my boyfriend and ask him why I’d delete her. Now I looked like the bad guy, but I didn’t care. I needed to do what felt right for me. We weren’t friends, for goodness’ sake!
I told him to stop chatting to her.
I know it might sound OTT, but I felt like deleting and blocking his ex wasn’t enough. She was still chatting to him all the time and posting stuff on his profile. It was too much. I told my boyfriend he had to stop talking to her, that we had to be a team and show her that we were on the same page regarding our relationship boundaries – and that she was clearly crossing them. But guess what? He didn’t want to. He stuck to his guns that she was harmless and just a bit lonely. I ended up feeling lonely in that relationship, and it wasn’t a surprise when it ended.
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