Dating a mama’s boy is great for many reasons. You know he respects women, he understands the value of family, and he tends to be the perfect gentleman because he was taught well. However, when he’s too close with his mother, it can feel like you’re dating them both, and that’s not what I signed up for.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled they’re close. My family is so important to me and it matters to me whether or not someone I’m dating is close to theirs. I love that my guy isn’t afraid to lean on his mom even though he’s an adult and that she gives him the unconditional love he deserves. It makes me happy to know that he values their relationship and that she and I will continue to be the two most important women in his life.
It means so much to me that she loves me. I’ve done the “family disapproves thing” before and trust me, it wasn’t fun. Nothing makes me happier than the fact that my boyfriend’s mom has accepted me into her son’s life with open arms and genuinely loves me as a person, not just us as a couple. She’s interested in my life and has made clear that even though I have a great relationship with my own mother, she’s there for me too.
I feel infinitely closer to him because of her investment. It’s hard to feel connected to someone when they shut you out of their lives and their relationships. But since day one, my boyfriend has been open and honest with me about his relationship with his mom. Seeing them together and knowing the role they play in each other’s lives allowed me to fall for him so much deeper and so much faster.
Still, at the end of the day, I’m dating him, not her! As much as I love his mom and the relationship they have, sometimes it feels like I’m dating them both. She calls every time we’re together and she expects to be updated on every little detail about our relationship. I’m perfectly fine texting her cute pictures of us, but I shouldn’t need to give her the play-by-play every weekend, right?
No mother should text the girlfriend asking to talk to her son. I get that sometimes there’s an emergency and you need to get in contact with your child, but texting me to locate him when he hasn’t answered the text you sent five seconds ago is overkill in my book. I promise he’ll respond as soon as he can, especially if it’s important. It’d be nice if I wasn’t the immediate Plan B when it’s only been a few minutes since she attempted to make contact with him.
She’s planning our honeymoon before we’re even engaged. I’m positive he and I will end up together in the end, but it’s still a little strange that his mom has planned out our entire future. She’s got the honeymoon location picked up and he hasn’t even proposed yet. We’re in absolutely no rush to get married but she’s already talking about diamonds and weddings.
It bothers him as much as it bothers me. It clearly irks me that she’s so involved, but I know I’m not being ridiculous because it gets on his nerves too. As much as he loves his mom, he often rolls his eyes when she does things that are overbearing and ridiculous related to our relationship. It’s not that he doesn’t love how invested his mom is in his life, he just knows that we’re grown-ups and she needs to let go a little bit.
There’s obviously no way to tell her to lay off. She’s his mother and she’ll always come first (at least until we’re married and have kids of our own), so we know it would hurt her if we were to tell her to butt out. She’d probably get very upset and shut both of us out, which no one wants. Even if she felt bad and promised to be better, I find it hard to believe she’d be able to take a back seat.
I know this is better than us having no relationship at all. I have plenty of friends who long for a relationship with a mother, their own or their partner’s, so I know I should feel lucky. I don’t take for granted that she wants to be a part of my life and ours as a couple, it’s just hard to find the balance between letting her in and keeping her at a safe distance.
Lord help us when we have children. If she’s this invested now, what on earth is going to happen when we have a family? I’ll be thankful for the help with planning a wedding and with newborns whenever they come along, but I keep having these flash-forward thoughts of her moving in or around the corner and it totally freaks me out. We can be grateful for her support and still have our own lives!
For now, I’ll try to remember that she means well. At the end of the day, I know she loves her son and just wants what’s best for him, so I try to be understanding. She’s ecstatic that he found me and I suppose it’s that happiness that makes her a little nosy. I don’t want to disrespect my future mother-in-law, so as long as we continue to be happy as we are, I suppose I can relax. When I have my own kids, I promise I’ll stay an arm’s length away.
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