My boyfriend and I couldn’t be more dissimilar—it’s what attracted us in the first place. But these days, my guy’s idea of a good time is so divorced from mine and our differences are becoming a real problem.
I’m 28 going on 38 and he’s 34 going on 24. Guys are usually less mature than women of the same age, but I’ve always been an old soul so this makes the difference in our maturity levels seem even greater than average. He still thinks he’s a young lad and wants to party all the time, be risky and make mistakes, whereas I actually enjoy getting excited by grown-up things like a new mop and I’d rather not make any mistakes in the first place!
He can’t have a good time without partying until dawn. Maybe his excessive partying nature is just in his Irish blood (I’m allowed to say that, I’m Irish too) but unless he can stay out until the birds are singing and he’s drunk so much he can’t remember much the next day, it doesn’t count as a great night out to him. I know I’m not old, but I honestly feel too old to do that kind of partying. I’ll be hungover the next day, will waste the day on the couch feeling sick and eating junk to make myself feel better, and I just don’t see the point in it. Heading home at a reasonable time from the bar means we spend less, we sleep better, and we don’t become vampires the next day. Sounds like a better idea to me but it’s a source of a lot of fights these days.
Any life goal I have that isn’t extreme doesn’t count in his books. My life goals are polar opposites to his, I wanted to write a book—check; I want to visit India—not yet; I’m very focused on my career. He, on the other hand, wants to go skydiving, climb Machu Picchu and move to Brazil for a year…of course, he’s already done all of those things but he’s not happy that I don’t want to experience those things with him a second time.
He thinks I’m ready to roll over into my grave. All because I have no interest in extreme sports or because I hate every minute of a hike, he thinks I’m just ready to lie down and die. Don’t get me wrong, I once did extreme things too—I threw myself off the highest legal bungee jump in the world at one point, but I feel like I’m done with things like that. I’m ready to settle down, plant some roots, and have a family. I can’t do that if I’m prioritizing other things.
Slowly but surely, his body is showing his true age. My boyfriend can’t handle hangovers anymore even though he’s been denying it for years now. We all know hangovers aren’t the same as they were when we were younger. They last longer, they arrive stronger and can go on all weekend long—but now it’s more than that. Recently he’s been waking up with serious bags under his eyes, and after a decade of opening beer bottles with his teeth, he finally cracked a tooth. It’s definitely given him a wakeup call that he’s actually not 18 anymore.
His drinking has made him really argumentative. This is the worst one. When he’s drunk too much, he becomes really argumentative and says things his sober self would never dream of. Drinks in, wits out, but it’s most frustrating that he has mental blackout the next day and can’t remember any of it.
He thinks he’s ready to have kids, LOL. He’s living in dreamland if he thinks he can pull this crap when he’s a parent. I know he knows this deep down and he’s told me he wouldn’t dare stay out all night if we had kids, but honestly, you don’t change a habit of a lifetime overnight.
He has a lot to work on if he wants to go the distance with me. If he really wants to build a future with me, he’s going to have to show me he can be a responsible adult. I’m not going to simply take his word for it that he’ll grow up when the babies arrive. It’s been a tough year for both of us, so fingers crossed we can get things back on track sooner rather than later.
All that being said, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I’d be a mess without him if we can’t work it out. He’s the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with—can’t live with him, can’t live without him comes to mind! Relationships aren’t easy and I’m certainly no angel myself. We have a lot to work through but I’m confident if he can just cut back on his quest for a “good time,” we’ll be just fine.
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