Time and time again, when guys have hurt me or left me behind, my cats have always been there to comfort me. With their quiet, caring demeanor and their soft fur, they’re truly the ideal source of long-term love. With cats like these, I’d be fine swearing off men forever.
- Cats have pretty fantastic bathroom manners. Have you ever gone into the bathroom after a guy and found out he’s missed the toilet or that he didn’t put the seat back down after him? See, cats won’t do that. They go in the litter box and even take the time to cover it up so it won’t smell so bad. Maybe they aren’t great at that second part, but at least they try.
- They care a lot about grooming. Self-care is really important to kitties. They’ll spend hours cleaning their fur so that it’s soft and fluffy for me to run my fingers through. No more gross armpit hair or post-workout B.O. that he just didn’t bother to wash away. The only bad part is when they lick their bits in front of company. That can be embarrassing.
- They always let you know how they feel. Cats don’t dance around the subject. If they’re upset, you get a claw to the arm. If they’re happy, you get a sweet little purr. Their little faces are so expressive, be it the wide-eyed stare into the nothingness that makes me think there’s a ghost or the little noise they make when I startle them with a pet. They don’t play games like guys do.
- They don’t care if I’m a little needy. If I walk up to my cat and pull her into my lap for a sudden petting session, she’s not gonna complain. She’s always there for a cuddle, and sometimes she’ll even let me bury my face in her fur for a minute. She doesn’t even know what the word ‘clingy’ means.
- And they really don’t care what I look like. I could be on my way out to the club looking completely pulled together and hot, or waking up the next morning looking like a dead raccoon, my cats don’t care. Their love is not dependent upon me being pretty by human standards. Besides, I know to them I’m always just a big ugly cat.
- They’re always happy to see me. When I get home from work, my cats are always waiting to greet me with cute little meows and tails up as they run up to me. Nothing feels better than when they come up from behind me and headbutt the backs of my legs or hop up into my lap when I’m watching TV. Even if they only love me because I feed them, it’s sweet to think they missed me.
- Cats are so low-maintenance. They don’t expect me to use a bunch of expensive makeup to go out with them. Christmas gifts are a breeze. Just feed them, clean the litter box every few days, and love them. So much easier than taking care of a full-grown man.
- They make cute noises when irritated. Men will argue, yell, grumble, or even ignore me when they’re irritated. Cats just let out a little mew and sometimes bat at me with their soft, fluffy paws. The worst they can do is claw me, and even then a band-aid fixes the problem.
- They don’t drag me out with their friends. No more nights at the sports bar surrounded by yelling guys and dressed in a shapeless jersey. Cats don’t want to go anywhere, they’d rather just spend the night at home, curled up beside me while I binge the latest Netflix hit.
- They love me even when I’m a mess. When it’s 3 a.m. and I’m sobbing for literally no reason, my cat is more than happy to just come snuggle with me. Maybe she won’t wipe my tears, but she’ll let me bury my face in her soft kitty fluff for a second, and that’s more than enough. And waking up after a rough night with her curled up beside me is the best feeling.
- They’re absolutely adorable. Skinny cats, fat cats, fluff balls, even the hairless ones. They’re adorable. With those big, pretty eyes, and the whiskers, and the cute little beans on the undersides of their paws. It’s like they were designed to be the most adorable thing ever. When I see my cats happy and purring and practically smiling, it’s enough to make my heart melt. Sorry guys, you’ll never be as cute as a kitty.
