If I Break Up With You, Don’t Fight For Me — Just Leave Me The Hell Alone

There are some people who see their lover fighting for them as a romantic gesture… I’m not one of those people. To me, a breakup happens because the relationship is over. Do both of us a favor: if I break up with you, don’t put up a fight and instead just walk away.

  1. I take people at their word, I expect you to take me at mine. If I said it’s over, I meant that it’s over. If you said that to me, I’d believe that you meant it and respect your wishes. Please treat me with the same decency and believe me when I say that it’s over for me. I’m not just saying it to start a fight or to get a rise in you, I’m merely delivering my truth – that I’m ending the relationship.
  2. I haven’t come to this decision lightly. I’m not childish — if I had something to discuss with you I’d just bring it up. If we needed to fight, I’d try to do so in a tactful way. In the case of a breakup, my action isn’t out of anger or frustration. Rather, I’ve thought the decision through. It was very challenging, but I’m making it anyway from a clear head space.
  3. If I wanted the breakup to be a dialogue, I would have left the door open for it. I’ve come to the decision to break up after much thought about all of the possibilities. I’ve considered discussing changes with you, but a breakup ended up being the option that I chose. I didn’t choose a breakup with the caveat that if you wanted to talk we could. If I was going to do that, I’d have been clear about it. I’m sorry but there’s no door open for discussion.
  4. Trying to change my mind is disrespectful. Breaking up with someone is hard enough. It’s really painful to let go of someone I love. Pushing back and trying to change my mind when I’ve already made it up is actually very disrespectful. You’re not recognizing the fact that I don’t want my mind to be changed. It’s over for me.
  5. Fighting for me just adds unnecessary confusion. Just because we’re breaking up, doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about you. Of course I still care and I’m upset that you’re upset. Naturally, you making a big fuss of things is going to add a layer of confusion that just isn’t needed. I don’t need emotions to obscure how I feel about this incredibly hard decision. Just leave it be.
  6. I’m staying true to how I feel. You can cry, fight, and beg all you want, but it isn’t going to change my decision. If I’ve decided to break up with you, that’s it. You may add more confusion and hurt for the both of us if you try to change reality, but at the end of the day, my decision will still be the same.
  7. You need to swallow your pride and walk away. I’ve been broken up with too many times to count — I know how much it sucks. I’ve wanted to change how things unfolded myself, but I had to learn to cut my losses and let things be. You should do the same. Swallow your pride and don’t make it harder than it has to be for either of us.
  8. It’s actually kind of scary when someone doesn’t take “no” for an answer. I’ve had stalker-like experiences where I’ve ended things with someone, but they wouldn’t let me go. They’ve continued to call and text me even after I asked them to please stop. It’s sad when things get to this level. I don’t want to have to block someone that I was just intimate with, but if you’re getting to the point of scaring me, I’ll do it.
  9. We both deserve space to grieve the loss – let it go. Breakups are hard. It’s hard on me, too. We both deserve time and space to go through the grieving process. Please don’t prolong this already difficult experience by trying to win me back. It’s already over, it’s time to let it go.
  10. I’m moving on… you should, too. If we’ve broken up, I’m already moving on from our old life together. I’m finding new ways to fill my time and I’m leaning on my girlfriends when it hurts too much. I’m doing the work I need to do to get over you. Please do yourself a favor and do the same.
  11. If I end it, it’s over. I’m not coming back, I wasn’t playing games, and there isn’t anything you can do to fix the relationship. If I’ve said it’s over, it’s over. Let’s both cut our losses and not make things any harder than they need to be.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.