Most breakups leave you sad, depressed and sometimes even devastated — it makes sense given that you’ve put all this time and energy into a relationship with someone you loved and now they’re gone from your life for good. It sucks… except for when it doesn’t. The demise of my most recent relationship was nothing to mourn — in fact, I celebrated the fact that we were over. Here’s why:
- I learned what I really need from a partner/in a relationship. It’s so easy to get blinded in a relationship. I had thought the guy I was with was what I’d wanted, but he sure AF wasn’t what I needed (or wanted, as it turned out). It took our breakup to show me that what I’m actually after in a relationship is a supportive and emotionally intelligent BF, not a selfish jerk.
- I was finally free. I saw that the relationship was the kind I’d never want to be in again, and that made me depressed. Why had I spent so much time on it? Why had I given the guy so much of my effort and time to make things work? But a week or so after the breakup, I realized that it didn’t matter about all the time I’d wasted because the breakup had happened and I could move onto bigger and better things. I was free! God, it felt so good.
- I ditched the drama. Being with that guy was full of drama. There was always something going on in his life of his own doing that was hurting me and I ended up having to fix things every single time. Ugh. It was exhausting. Breaking up with him showed me that I didn’t have to be Miss Fix It anymore and that I need someone who can support me as much as I do them.
- It was time to get myself back. I lost myself to the drama and the addictive ups and downs of the relationship to such a point that when it all came to an end, I felt like I didn’t know who I was anymore. The breakup was a blessing — I could finally focus on myself and what I needed. I could get my old self back and then some, and that’s exactly what I did.
- I’d settled for less but deserved so much more. In hindsight, I realized that I’d settled in that relationship. I hadn’t seen it when I was in the thick of things, but stepping away when we broke up showed me that I really had been selling myself short. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of and that made me see that I deserved so much more from him that he couldn’t give me. I could, however, give it to myself.
- The idea of the breakup was actually worse than the breakup itself. Breaking up is scary, and for me, it was scary even though I knew at a deep level that it was a good thing. That BF had become a habit and those are hard to break, but once the breakup happened and I successfully moved away from him and all his drama, I realized that it wasn’t as bad as I’d imagined. I took it a day at a time and every day I asked myself if I missed him to the point of wanting him back. The answer was always no.
- I could finally get closure. Relationship closure is so important to deal with issues and move the hell on, but this guy couldn’t give it to me. There were so many issues that he could never give me a straight answer to and that sucked. Breaking up meant I could finally stop expecting answers and give myself the closure I needed. It was empowering.
- I appreciated my single time. Before that relationship, I dreaded the idea of being single, but after all the drama of it, I couldn’t wait to do my own thing! I wanted to do whatever I felt like doing and it was so much fun not to have to consider my ex when making decisions. They were all mine to make!
- I kept a watchful eye on who entered my door. Since single time was now so valued, it made me much more careful about who I allowed into my life in future. My time became so much more precious and in a weird way, I had my douchebag ex to thank for making me see that.
- I could let go of uncertainty. I was always stressed out and uncertain during the relationship. I never felt I could be myself or completely trust my partner and that’s a crappy way to live. By letting the relationship burn, I realized what a weight it took off my shoulders and that moving forward I’d only focus on the certain things in life. I didn’t have any more time for doubts.
- Breaking up was so much better than holding on. It felt a bit scary to break up with the guy I had really been invested in, but it was also so much less painful than holding on. Besides, he was a breakup-phobe and I knew he would never end things, even during the worst times. It was up to me to get us both out of that torture!
- I stopped fearing endings. I’m not so good with endings. I always fear them because they’re so permanent. But this experience taught me not to fear them again in future. They happen for a reason and they can be the most powerful way to head on to a brighter future because they mean a beginning is in sight. For me, that beginning was being reintroduced to myself.
