I know you view me as the “one who got away,” as if the end of our relationship was some kind of unfortunate accident. There was nothing accidental about what pushed us over the edge and to the end. The side effects of your insecurity and trust issues may not have been deliberately malicious but they were overwhelming enough to ruin us. I didn’t slip through your fingers—you drove me away.
You made me miserable.
You overanalyzed everything I said, accused me of things I would never do and stayed angry at things that weren’t my fault. Your precarious BS made me absolutely miserable. I spent more time tolerating you than truly enjoying my time with you. It can’t be shocking that I wanted to get out of a situation like that and never look back.
Your regrets aren’t my problem.
We’ve been apart for a long time now. Reaching out to me out of the blue and trying to make yourself feel better about your regrets isn’t going to fix what’s already broken. I know your regrets are probably weighing heavily on you now, but I’ve moved past those things. You should do the same. Letting your regrets dictate your life is a guaranteed way to get stuck in a bad place you don’t want to be stuck in.
You had plenty of chances.
I believe everyone deserves a second chance, but you had more chances than I can count. Apologies and promises are just meaningless words when you have no intention of following through. I wasn’t going to force myself to stick around when you seemed hell-bent on doing everything you could to make me want to leave.
You were suffocating me.
As cliché as it sounds, I really couldn’t breathe around you towards the end. I was sick to death of delicately tip-toeing around your mood and trying to untangle the complex web of insecurity in your head. You crushed me under the weight of your trust issues and the accusations you carelessly flung at me. I didn’t deserve either one of those things. You’d have to be completely clueless or totally insane to think I’d stay after being treated like that.
I really did. No amount of understanding and forgiveness on my part was going to save us. I tried to be sympathetic and supportive but my efforts always fell flat. You wouldn’t let me help you and I got tired of trying. If you wanted things to work, you should’ve met me halfway instead of hurting me. Yes, you had control over that.
I want you to move on.
The thought of me shouldn’t hold you back. I know you feel guilty about a lot of things but you have to move forward. You don’t need me, even though I know you think you do. What happened between us might seem irrevocably devastating but hindsight will prove you wrong. You can survive without me. Pain is a tricky feeling to navigate but you’ve done it before and you can do it again.
You can’t make other people responsible for your own happiness.
Being a happy, dependable person is something you have to do on your own. Other people can add to your happiness but they can’t create it entirely. You turned me into your only source of joy and that put an incredible amount of pressure on me. I wanted you to have a fulfilling life outside of me but you weren’t capable of doing that. In the end, that drove me away.
I understand that you have a rough past.
You’re a strong person for overcoming everything that life has thrown at you. You’ve been dealt a lot of terrible cards and I understand that you have a lot of scars that still hurt. That still wasn’t a good reason to take your issues out on me. Not everyone you let into your life is going to hurt you or let you down. You have to learn how to trust the right kind of people. If you can’t do that, you’re going to remain a destructive person who drives everyone away.
I wish you the best.
I really, truly mean that. You’re a smart, capable guy and I know you’ll be okay. You did a lot of sabotaging when we were together but that doesn’t mean you have to get hung up on that for the rest of your life. Pursue your career and your hobbies and live the best life that you can. I’ll be doing the same.
We’re done forever.
I’ve totally forgiven you but I don’t want to be with you anymore. Your apologies are appreciated but you caused me a lot of pain and I won’t risk going back to that. You drove me away so I let you go. Maybe our paths will cross again someday and we can be friends. Only time will tell.
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