Our Breakup Lasted Almost As Long As Our Relationship

We dated for seven months and our breakup seemed to take nearly as long. It was intense and crazy and a total waste of time. It was also a major learning experience.

We tiptoed around our split for way too long. I think we both wanted to get out of the relationship when we were still knee-deep in it. I know I did, at least. It was around the five-month mark that I started feeling restless and playing around with ideas of dumping him. I felt like he was having similar feelings but neither of us was willing to bring it up.

Eventually, I bit the bullet. I told him that I thought we were going in different directions in life. To be honest, he was more interested in traveling around the world with his buddies than building something real with me. I was done with wasting my time on him and I wanted to be free again. I had to dump him.

Once I said it, I started having second thoughts.  it wasn’t so simple. Was I making a mistake? The guy was awesome. OK, so our life goals were a bit out of whack, but he was a great boyfriend. He always treated me well and we got along great, so what the hell was I doing? I spoke to my best friend about this and she agreed that I’d made a mess of things.

It didn’t help that he didn’t want to let me go either. I wasn’t the only one experiencing cold feet about the breakup—my boyfriend/ex was going through the same thing. He called to tell me that he just couldn’t picture his life without me and I took him back. In fact, I ran back into that relationship, thinking we could somehow make things work. He agreed with me. It had to mean that we were meant for each other… or so I thought.

We lasted for about five seconds. After a week or so of being the most amazing partners to each other, we slid back into our usual relationship despair. He was suffering itchy feet and wanted to live like a single guy while I was feeling depressed by this whole on-again, off-again relationship.

Back to the breakup board. I tried to keep things going for a few weeks but I couldn’t fake the relationship anymore so I told him it was time to end things. Again, we went our separate ways… temporarily.

This time, I got in touch with him again. I hated being without him. I just couldn’t seem to carve out a life for myself without having him in it. It was crazy! I felt such an intense need to be with him, and the more he was out of reach, the more I wanted him. I got in touch with him via text and we started talking. We didn’t get back together this time but we continued chatting.

We were in touch daily and it was holding me back. I told myself staying in contact would be a bridge to help me move from the relationship with him to the single life, but I think I was fooling myself. The truth is that I was enjoying the comfort zone of being able to talk to my ex every day. After a few months of chatting to each other as though we were still dating, I started to feel anxious. I realized that I was spending hours a day talking to him via text or on the phone, and it was stealing my energy away from the rest of my life. Once, I even canceled a date with a guy I’d met on a dating app because my ex wanted to video chat with me from Japan where he’d gone with his best friends.

I was afraid of being single. I realized that I was afraid to cut ties with my ex because that meant I’d be alone and single. I was so afraid of the unknown and didn’t want to face it, but ultimately, I knew that I had to. The only way to gain confidence and self-love was to dare to live.

I said goodbye for good. I couldn’t keep my ex in my life. I knew that we could definitely be friends in future, but he was keeping me stuck in the past. I had to move on with my life and create a beautiful future for myself. I told him that it would be best if we stopped talking to each other. He agreed. I never heard from him again and I was relieved.

Breakups are like band-aids. You have to do it really fast so that you don’t dwell on the pain of it. Also, the pain goes away really quickly if you do it in this speedy manner. On the other hand, if you sit there wasting time on it, you end up causing yourself more pain and stress. Instead of allowing yourself to heal, you’re actually hurting yourself. That’s why I believe the quicker the breakup happens, the better I can move on.

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