My Breakup Sucked Even Though I Knew My Ex Was Horrible

Sometimes your girlfriends just don’t seem to understand the struggle. You all recognize how toxic your boyfriend is and fully admit the relationship has gone plain sour, but what they don’t seem to grasp is why you’re dragging your feet to leave when there’s seemingly nothing left to gain from staying. If no one else gets it, I do because that’s how I felt in my last relationship. Here are 9 reasons why it can be rough to cut the ties with Mr. Obviously Wrong.

  1. You have history. There’s a certain level of comfort acquired from knowing someone well and having time put in. If you’ve been together long enough, he’s probably seen you sick. You don’t have to wait until he leaves the bathroom to run in there to pee. Even if you’ve had “breaks” in the relationship, when you’re back on, you just pick up rather than having to start over. There’s no giving context and background info for every topic of conversation you engage in.
  2. You liked him, OK? I mean, you got together for a reason, didn’t you? Those things that pulled you in don’t just magically go away just because you two are having relationship problems. That one dimple when he smiles and those bulging biceps are still there even when he’s on your last damn nerves. All that’s changed is you’ve developed unhealthy patterns and/or behaviors during the relationship and there could be a lack of properly established boundaries. He’s still hot, funny, smart, (you fill in the blank), etc. and you can’t be blamed for continuing to be attracted to those parts of him.
  3. You’re breaking up with your future. I think it’s safe to say that you got into the whole thing in the first place expecting it to go somewhere. Sure, when you first meet, it’s just testing the waters and seeing if there’s potential. But after you level up and he’s become bae, you start to relax. You’re no longer preoccupied with trying to snag and impress him. You’re now looking ahead to what’s next. Moving in, a ring, children, growing old together, the works. You’ve got your whole lives as a couple unit mapped out. When the relationship falls through, that’s a lot of planning and dreams to let go.
  4. You’re enmeshed with his family, friends, and routine. At some point, the relationship stopped being between just you and your guy. You’ve made introductions. You blended your circles. They know you at his workplace. His mom’s number is saved on your phone. There’s no clean break now. And there’s still that wedding you RSVP’d months ago to with him as your understood automatic plus-one.
  5. You got used to a certain lifestyle. Some perks come along with having a long-term/serious partner. For one, you always have someone to go to events with. New movie coming out? He’s your guy. New restaurant you want to try? You know who will be there with you (and maybe even cover the bill, which is even better). You don’t have to sleep alone on those cold nights (body heat from a man just can’t be replicated by a pillow, just sayin’). Then there’s that much-needed unloading time after work when you vent about your coworker who thinks she’s the boss so you can enjoy the rest of your day without carrying that stress around.
  6. You have to put work back into your other relationships. I think we can all admit we’ve been guilty of falling off the Earth a bit once we’ve fallen for someone. It’s natural to pull away from others when you’re securely boo’d up. You start planning your days around him and you have someone to run and tell things to first. Once he’s out of the picture, you have to re-establish communication go-tos in your life or start telling your hopes, dreams, and wishes to your diary instead.
  7. You’re gonna miss the sex. Look, even if it was never the best you ever had, he still had time to learn your body. Sometimes we’re just not in the mood for the whole event of hooking up and just want a quick get-off, which he can do because you’ve established your sexual routine. Unless you plan to start sleeping around, you’re going to have to come to terms with a dry spell after the breakup. Or, at the very least, inferior sex with someone else until your new partner figures out your erogenous hot spots.
  8. You’re confused. A relationship isn’t a business deal. It involves feelings. You like someone, you become vulnerable, you tap into emotions that may only be reserved for someone in that particular place in your life. And you were, at one point, in it for the long haul. Ending it just opens yourself up to feeling even more that you may not be ready to experience just yet. You also can’t seem to get rid of that nagging list of what-ifs running through your head, either.
  9. The dating pool is hideous. It’s hard to believe that there actually are plenty of other fish in the sea. Once you try to give another dude a chance and he pulls the same crap your ex did or has an even worse trick up his sleeve, it just seems easier to stick with the hell you already know. Why move on to bigger and better things if they end up being worse? Assessing your other prospects can be a sure-fire way to just want to stay put where you are, even if your guy is a whole headache sometimes.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer