Breakups Don’t Happen Out Of The Blue — If You’re Honest, You Knew It Was Coming

When a relationship ends, it’s easy to feel angry, sad or even victimized because something you invested time and energy in is over in the blink of an eye. Change is hard and losing someone you loved is even harder, but sometimes it’s necessary — and chances are you knew this was the case even before things officially ended. If you’re really honest with yourself, you weren’t blindsided by the breakup at all. Deep down, you knew it was coming.

  1. You knew you were pushing him away but you didn’t stop. Whether or not you want to admit it, you know that certain actions lead to certain consequences. It may not happen right away, but the things you do in a relationship add up and there eventually comes a breaking point. Sure, sometimes things can be repaired and behavior can be changed, but if you never stop yourself and correct the issue, it’s no wonder he gets pushed right out the door.
  2. You never trusted him to begin with. You never fully trusted him, so it was only a matter of time before something happened that made you realize why. You were making excuses and ignoring your intuition even though it was telling you exactly what you needed to know.
  3. You knew he wasn’t “The One.” You might not have known the exact moment that the breakup would go down, but you knew he wasn’t your one for the rest of time, which means the ending was inevitable. Sure, he was great for right now and you always knew it could have been worse, but you also had to know it wasn’t forever.
  4. You felt obligated to spend time with him. While you should have felt ecstatic (or at the very least happy) about spending time with him, instead you always felt a bit of obligation instead. You were together, so it was only natural that you hung out… and sometimes that was a bit of a drag. It was like working to keep it together instead of just being in the groove.
  5. You were never totally relaxed. You always felt like you were about to be judged, that you might do something wrong, or even that you might miss your chance to see him if you didn’t act quick or weren’t flexible enough to work around his schedule. The tension kept right on building to the point where you were pretty sure you were going to explode, and eventually you did.
  6. No one else liked him. You weren’t looking for anyone else’s approval exactly, but the people who knew you best didn’t get it. They didn’t like him, and they didn’t like who you were when you were with him. You knew those reactions couldn’t be spelling out long-term love unless you were willing to carry that feeling around forever, and you weren’t. It was a sign that something was off.
  7. You knew that he wasn’t in love with you. You can see love in people’s eyes, their actions, and their words, and if you were truly honest with yourself, you would have been able to admit that you never saw that in him. He liked you, he just didn’t love you. You knew it even if you weren’t quite ready to admit it.
  8. You were always keeping your eye open for someone else. The whole time you were in the relationship, you were keeping your options open. It’s not that you were cheating, per se, but you were fully aware that a better option might exist and would have been willing to take it. Maybe you did.
  9. He wasn’t willing to change. You could see how the relationship could evolve into something different if only he could have grown up a little, but you also knew that he wouldn’t — at least not in the time frame that you would have needed to be around for it. You weren’t prepared to spend your life with a man-child, so it’s no wonder things ended.
  10. You weren’t willing to change. Things could have gone differently between you two if you had made certain compromises, but you didn’t want to and he couldn’t make you (or the other way around). All relationships require a certain amount of compromise and if one or neither of you are willing to make it work, it won’t — and clearly it didn’t.
  11. The sex wasn’t great. You’ve had passionate sex and that wasn’t it. It wasn’t connected emotionally or physically mind-blowing and it made you slightly uneasy to compare it to the better sex you had with your exes. Sex isn’t everything, but it’s something important and it just wasn’t the way it needed to be with you.
  12. You just weren’t happy. Relationships can be complicated to untangle and sort through, especially in those circumstances when you care about someone but aren’t happy with them. The bottom line is that you just weren’t happy for a while, so you knew on some level it would have to end.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog