Finding a guy that will accept my close relationship with my gay best friend has proved harder than it should be. If he can’t accept us, I can’t accept him— that’s why I broke up with my last boyfriend and wouldn’t hesitate to end things with anyone I date in the future. Here’s why I won’t budge on this.
- My BFF is one of the most important people in my life and will always be a top priority. There shouldn’t ever be a case where I have to choose between my best friend and my boyfriend, but any boyfriend of mine should know that if we have plans and my BFF really needs me, I have to go to him just like I would for any girlfriend who was in emotional turmoil. My dinner plans or movie date with my boyfriend can wait; my BFF’s mental breakdown can’t.
- We share a ridiculous amount of memories spanning decades. He remembers every single one of my exes, he knows all my school memories, and even knows the family members and friends who aren’t here anymore and that my boyfriend will never be lucky enough to meet. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s not my BF’s fault that he wasn’t around back then, but if it’s too hard for him to learn about my life before him by reminiscing with my best friend, he needs to hit the road.
- We’re just big kids together. My BFF leaps into my arms when we see each other, we’re often found rolling on the floor laughing, and he might even hold my hand as we sing a duet in the car, but it’s all innocent fun! To be honest, I know my boyfriend might even feel like a third wheel sometimes, but he should be happy that I have an amazing friend who has always and will always be there for me. There’s no need for my boyfriend to be jealous about that—my BF has his place in my life and my BFF has his, and they’re completely different spaces to be filled.
- He knows everything about my sexual history. He knows when, where, and with whom lost my virginity. He knows whose penis was the biggest and whose looked weird. He remembers all of my one-night stands as well as the guys who broke my heart, and he has strong opinions on every boyfriend. Just like a girlfriend, we’ve shared a lot together and his opinion of my boyfriend is extremely important. Any guy I date has to make a serious effort.
- I trust his opinion on the guys I date. My GBF’s approval means a lot, mostly because he knows me better than I do in many ways. He’s disapproved of boyfriends in the past for reasons I dismissed at the time… only to find out years later he was completely on the money. If he doesn’t like a guy, there’s probably a valid reason even if I can’t see it in the moment.
- Boyfriends come and go but my BFF is forever. We’ve been best friends since we were in diapers, so this isn’t a friend who’s just passing through. If a guy wants to stick with me long-term, he’ll have to not only get along with my GBF but enjoy his company too. I’m not saying they need to be best buddies, but a little effort will go a long way.
- My BFF is basically part of my extended family. As much as my family will surely adore my boyfriend, my GBF has been involved with them a hell of a lot longer than any guy who comes along. We’ve known each other since we were kids and as such, he’s practically family. He’ll be invited to get-togethers, weddings, funerals and eventually, our kids will call him Uncle. It might be hard at first having another male around that’s so involved in my life, but once my boyfriend realizes he’s not a threat or any sort of competition, he’ll hopefully be able to view my BFF more like a brother the way I do.
