I recently went out with this really cute guy and while I didn’t plan on it, I suddenly started to talk about having kids and what I’d be like as a mom. It made my date super uncomfortable and now I feel like I ruined everything…
I could tell he was freaking out inside. The second I started talking about what I would do if I had children, I could see a sort of horror in his eyes, like he was thinking, “This is not what I signed up for.” Clearly he’s not even close to thinking about these kinds of things even though he’s in his thirties.
I don’t know why I brought it up—I don’t think I want kids. I’ve always proudly proclaimed that I’ll probably never have kids and just have a house full of dogs or something. There are so many reasons I’d want to adopt rather than have kids of my own, one of the biggest being that I don’t think my body could handle it. I also don’t feel like I’m cut out for raising a kid. What was my point?
It just kinda popped out. The words just kinda flew out of my mouth and the weird thing is that blurting stuff like that out is totally not my style. I actually used to be the one to shoot down my exes when they would bring up topics like marriage and having a family, yet there I was talking about how I would raise my hypothetical kids. What’s happening to me?!
Maybe it’s my subconscious coming through. I’ve carved out an identity as being anti-kid, but I guess my mind has been changing over the years. I’m in my late twenties, and all my friends in their thirties say that you’ll eventually want kids almost against your will. You’ll just fall in love with every baby you see. I never believed them, but the fact I started going on about the kids I haven’t even considered having yet is making me think that they might be right.
If he’s weirded out by it, then he obviously has issues. Honestly, any guy who can’t even fathom having kids clearly has some major problems of his own. It’s kind of an inevitable thing that happens when you start to reach your thirties for a lot of people and I think a 37-year-old guy should at least be open to talking about it, right?
It confirmed my suspicion that most guys tend to shut down at the mention of kids. It kind of symbolizes being tied down, I guess, and no guy wants to be stuck with a woman they don’t even like because they accidentally had a kid with them. I get that it’s a scary thing, and I probably should have saved that kind of conversation for the third date or something.
When you get older, it gets more and more important. The thing is, the prospect of having kids becomes more and more realistic as the years go by. In reality, it shouldn’t be so shocking to talk about kids on a first date when you’re in your thirties. I’m 28, so maybe I was jumping the gun a bit, but you can’t say that I’m totally out of line for mentioning it to a 37-year-old guy.
Maybe it’s good that I brought it up so early. Now I know what kind of place he’s in and even though I don’t want kids right now, I might want them in the future and if this guy hasn’t opened himself up to that possibility at 37, then I don’t think there’s any chance of it happening in a few years from now.
I was just trying to have a casual discussion. I guess I’m so used to talking about this kinda stuff with my girlfriends that I totally didn’t realize that it’s a sensitive subject to broach with guys. I forget that they have a totally different perspective on kids and marriage and all that stuff. They really have to be ready to be OK with it.
It’s kinda depressing that guys are so deathly afraid of the prospect of having children. I can’t help but be a little sad about how most guys seem to see us as being “desperate for children” when it should really be coming from both sides. Why don’t guys want to have babies as much as women do? Why do they feel like we’re taking something from them when all we want to do is carry on the human race? To me, having a kid is one of the most noble things you can do and it’s just a shame that guys are so afraid of it.
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